GRATITUDE

[ENKELI]

Okay @Glisten, @AlwaysMyself is coming with us on our travels! I would love to visit Africa. I have a friend who travels there frequently and whenever she shares her photos I get envious. I have an appreciation of the big animals and if I had the means I would definitely go over and volunteer my time with an organisation dedicated to saving the elephants and rhinos.

So you will be our tour guide for Africa, I can do North America and Tomaatti, what country do you want?

A bit of background on my dad - my parents split when I was about 4 or 5. He couldn't keep it in his pants and decided that the latest woman was the love of his life so he dumped mum, my brother and I. We had just moved from Melbourne to Canberra and mum knew no one. Her parents ended up coming over and driving us back to WA, specifically Geraldton where they lived. I had no contact with father for several years, he married his affair and had 3 kids with her. I got to meet my half siblings in my teens and I got on really well with their mum. I am forever grateful to her for opening her arms to me. Naturally he cheated on her as well, divorced her and has bad mouthed her ever since even though he was the A-hole not her.
He got engaged a couple of times but they didn't work out and then he married the last one, stepmonster. She was an awful, nasty manipulative b*tch who set out to destroy me by planting lies in my fathers' head (despite only having met me twice). They nearly succeeded in destroying me but as I got older I forgave dad and moved on. Several years passed and father decided he wanted to get in touch with me. I allowed him to email me but was wary. We had a really good relationship for many years and when stepmonster had a stroke a couple of years back I was going to travel to NSW and become his carer. He suffers from PTSD as he served in Vietnam and had a breakdown so was unable to work. He is on total permanent disability and stepmonster was his carer. 
I was packing my bags and getting quotes on how much it would cost to get my car transported over when he changed his mind and told me to wait as he had been admitted to hospital. He was in the MH ward for just over a month and was not able to go home because stepmonster was in hospital after having another stroke (the cow just wouldn't take the hint and cark it!). During this time his stepdaughter took it upon herself to sell their house and kept 2 thirds of the proceeds, leaving dad with a third. I tried to get him to fight it but he wouldn't.

Finally stepmonster got the hint and shuffled off her mortal coil, again leaving everything to her daughter and dad got nothing. Again I told him I would come over and help fight it but by this stage he had lost the will to live himself and was just a morose pain in my neck. Despite having 4 kids, of which 2 loved him very much, he said he had nothing to live for. 

Since stepmonsters' demise he has been up and down, complaining about how he is on oxygen 24/7 due to being exposed to toxic chemicals in 'Nam. He had a wonderful couple of friends who bent over backwards for him and I got to know them. The sad thing is that I speak to them more than I do the old man nowadays. He ghosted them despite them doing practically everything for him. He hasn't been in touch with me in over 2 months aside from sending a couple of emails with jokes. I didn't feel special, he sent it to my brother and cousin as well. He didn't acknowledge whether he received his birthday present and when I confirmed that he'd received it at the nursing home he still didn't thank me.

I feel nothing for him now and given the pain and torment he put me through for over 25 years I am fine with that. He was never much of a father even to his 3 kids who lived in the same city as him. When my stepbrother passed away he didn't even contribute to the funeral. I am supposed to be organising his funeral and he's told me what he wants but I have no idea whether I will actually be called upon to make the arrangements! His loss really.

So that is my darling father story!

Sorry this is so long, as most people on Sane know I can prattle on for ages!

Where have you travelled to? And aside from Africa are there any other countries you would recommend?

[Glisten]

@ENKELI  You’re dad’s genetic predisposition to the dimensions . . . well let’s just say brace yourselves.

@ENKELI oh my stars 🤩 you have traveled so very much!

I know that you want to go to Tassie. Here’s something for you to consider. Of course I will be going with you. 
If I win Lotto, we will be going sooner, rather than later. 🤞🏼

https://www.globetrotting.co/horse-riding-holidays/cradle-to-coast-ride-australia/ 

[Glisten]

@ENKELI @AlwaysMyself Blackheath @Bunnykins would be familiar with Blackheath.

HRH Mr MM, look at all that cuteness 😸 There’s a Bush Turkey 🦃 roaming around that MM might want to play with? 
😂 Not to mention the rabbits are back. Doing their best to try and break a horses’ leg or my leg.

MM might like a bit of Free Range meat 🍖?

😂

[ENKELI]

@Glisten my worry with the dimensions is that I might catch it! Bro and I discussed this last night actually. He reckons it's not a bad thing, you'd only need 1 book, 1 CD and 1 movie to last you because you'd forget it and need to start it again! 

Re the P antihistamine, it makes me go nighty night. But if I take certain prescription pain medication it interferes with my anti-psychotic medication and I am awake all night. And apparently it's not appropriate to vacuum and scrub floors at midnight for some reason.

And same, if I win lotto we're packing our bags. We'll fly over to the east coast, pick up @AlwaysMyself and then decide where to go first. If I win millions then I will put a map on the wall and we can each throw darts at it to determine where to go. 

That Tassie horse trip sounds good but I'd best lose some weight judging by their requirements. Or maybe I'll just ask for a Percheron! 

Time to make a habit of using the mini cycle daily and not every other day as I have been.

https://www.tripadvisor.com.au/Attraction_Review-g154911-d592531-Reviews-Banff_Trail_Riders-Banff_Ba... 

Maybe our theme should be "Horse Riding Around The World." And "Hotels With Saunas" 

Fun fact, there are more saunas in Finland than there are cars.

@AlwaysMyself sled dog racing, how awesome!  Where did you do that?

That is something I'd love to try as well - it looks like I am going to need to join a gym before we embark on this trip lol! The personal trainer will ask why I want to get fit and I will say "So I can ride horses and go dog sledding." 

[AlwaysMyself]

I am 100% fine with essay posts @ENKELI and probably earn a rep for them too 🤭.

That's a lot you've had to deal with with your father and stepmother! I think its really credit to your character that despite the circumstances of your father's decisions and their impact on your life you accepted and had a good relationship with your first stepmother and their children. 

The final one sounds very much a very negative influence during her time. ☹️ and im sorry her children have not done right by your dad, yourself and your other siblings. 

My grandfather lost his short-medium term memory after a stroke. Given his physical condition post-stroke, not having memory was a blessing in disguise. He would not have wanted to live if he had been conscious and so depended on carers to do *everything* (even had to have supervision when eating). He could have the TV on and wasn't bored, and didn't really realise his own condition. He actually was not grumpy and more social!! Not far at all from what @Glisten suggested!

As for places I have travelled- some was in childhood (my dad liked to travel, and were expats for a short time which helped with travelling asia)..

China, Vanuatu, New Caledonia, Singapore, Indonesia, Malaysia, Thailand, Cambodia, Japan, South Korea, Russia, Estonia, Lithuania, Latvia, Poland, Italy, Germany, Netherlands, Denmark, 1 day in France, 2 days in Sweden, 1 day in Norway, Czech Republic, 1 lunch in Slovakia, 2 days in Austria, 2 days in Slovenia, 3 days in Belgium, Namibia (africa), Botswana (africa), south Africa...

I think that is all? Most of it has been done on a budget of hostels or shared hotels with friend/family/partner to cut costs, and self-made meals.

[AlwaysMyself]

The dog sledding was in Russia! I would love to go back and see more of Russia, but yeah that will have to wait until political issues resolve. Hopefully some day I will get to go again though. For now, Finland will have to substitute!

[AlwaysMyself]

Oh, I forgot a day in Spain (Barcelona). That was great looking at cookey architecture (Gaudi - google his building design! Its weird and wonderful!)

[ENKELI]

@AlwaysMyself wow that is some travel you've done! I am like you, would love to travel to Russia but certainly not at the moment. I would also like to travel to Israel for historical reasons as a Christian but again that's not first on my list at present.

I'm an army brat and was born in NSW so we lived there for a time, then moved to Melbourne and then Canberra. When the parents split we moved back to WA as my parents are both Westerners and after living in Geraldton for a couple of years mum decided she needed to stand on her own 2 feet and moved us to Perth. I've seen a fair bit of Australia aside from NT and Tas which are also on my bucket list.

And I am so so so happy you like to write essays too! I love the English language and words to me are quite lovely if that makes ANY sense at all! 

Stepmonster caused a massive rift between my father and I, although I didn't hear much from him growing up, he came over from NSW to visit me when I was 12 and he then flew me over to see him again when I was 15. We corresponded regularly until I was about 26 and I was engaged. I had told him that my uncle was going to be giving me away and he was fine with that - my uncle had been more of a father than my own so it was settled. Stepmonster told me I wasn't having a real wedding because dad wasn't giving me away and planted evil seeds in my dad to the point that he wrote me a 3 page letter telling me what an awful child I was, how much of a disappointment I was to him, how he couldn't believe I didn't love or care for him and as far as he was concerned I was no longer his daughter. I was devastated as you can imagine. A few years later he emailed me and I responded but it degenerated once again with his last email to me titled Goodbye and telling me in 1 short line that I was dead to him.

It took me some time to really forgive him, which after becoming a Christian I found hard but with God's grace I was able to forgive him. 
Despite him being an A grade prat, his family had always sided with mum so I was lucky to have both sides of my family and even now his sister is one of my favourite aunts. She came to mum and said that dad wanted to get in touch with me and after some thought and prayer I agreed to give him my email address. I was in my 30's at that stage and from then on we've had a good relationship. He actually apologised (I was glad I was sitting down at the time as the man has never apologised to anyone) and up until stepmonster dying we've gotten on really well.

Ironically I got 2 personal emails from him yesterday, he claimed that my emails had gone to his archive folder. He's used this excuse before. 
I don't believe he has the dimensions, it's more that he is forgetful and having mental health issues himself he doesn't remember that he repeats things occasionally. He also used to drink a fair bit when stepmonster wasn't around. He was not an alcoholic but she gaslit him to the point that he believed he was an alco. 

I will treat him the same as always and just keep guarding my heart. He no longer has the power to hurt me, he just annoys the living daylights outta me lol!!

There is no dementia in my mums' family and aside from my paternal grandmother there's none on dad's side. My aunt may have early signs but as I don't see her very often I can't be sure.

Despite his forgetfulness father is still compos Menzies (compos mentis) and has both his short and long term memory intact.

I can't imagine what it would be like to have someone with dementia. Though I think I would rather have the dimensions than not be able to move my body or speak and have my faculties intact.

How are you today anyway? I am relaxing and making plans to tidy my plants up. I have missed watering them while it's been raining. Do you have anything exciting happening this week? 🫂❤️

[AlwaysMyself]

@ENKELI I am amazed of the similarities (but enough differences too! Including ages) between where you have lived and my in-laws lol. My husband was a defense-brat too and moved around abit, including VIC, NT, NSW and ACT. My in-laws are from Geralton 😅 which I had never heard of before them. However the in-laws are still married and ive never heard of any other relatives being in defense to safe to say we are not related lol! 

Your attitude and forgiveness to your dad is very admirable and shows a lot of strength. 😊

Forgiveness is not easy. I remember working on forgiving someone when I was a teen, and coming to learn the vital difference between "forgiveness", "forgetting" and "trust". I can forgive, but I would not forget or trust them in the same way again. Just as you say - keep guard of your heart still.

[Adge]

Hi @Oaktree @Shaz51 @ENKELI 

I usually don't think I have much to feel Grateful for, or cannot think of much.

Except what I cannot afford, or missed out on having etc.

Anyway, I'm Grateful for my NDIS Application Success/ Approval.

I just received the Letter in the post today.

I was all geared up for expecting another Refusal or "You were not successful", like I was given 4 years ago (when I applied for NDIS).

Yes it took me 4 years to work up the Courage to Re-Apply (Apply again).

50 pages of Psychology & Medical Reports went in with this Application (this time) - Including an Occupational Therapist's Functional Capacity Report (21 Pages long), which I had to pay for myself.

There is no NDIS Plan yet, as I haven't had any Planner Meeting yet.

I have no idea how much (or what) Support I will be Approved for/ given.

I don't really know what I'm going to say in the Planner Meeting (when I have it).

This NDIS Approval will bring me more Stress in the short-term.

I'm hoping & intending that it will be very helpful in the longer term - Once I get used to it, & know what to expect.

I really can do with whatever support/ supports I can get - I've worked very hard to get this far with it all.

😊Adge