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Hi @BlueBay
You are really tired at the moment and you don't feel like being intimate with your husband which is probably why you brushed him off when he tired to hug you - I hear you - I understand - it's more than I want to talk about but I reached a stage of not wanting to be intimate with my ex-h either - he often rubbed me up the wrong way - and Huffnpuff certainly says and does things that aggravate you - why would anyone want to lower their guard with someone who for what ever reason gets under their skin - I would back you up on that one
And of course everyone is annoying you - your mind is buzzing away as fast as it can and you can't sleep - this will pass - I have spells like this and the most important thing is not to worry about it - I read for hours at night sometimes - I feel okay doing this - often I will fall asleep which is not good for my glasses and I have to get the frames adjusted. Can you see if reading at night helps. I know it might be hard to concentrate and when I find this happening sleep often happens and I don't turn the light out - it's too much of a committment - we all need to find our personal way of dealing with insomnia but personally I think worrying about it makes it worse - as I said - it usually passes off
And a house full of adults and a 2 yo - that would annoy me in the best of circumstances - so I get it - I think it's pretty normal
But we don't want you to disappear - how would that help anything? Wherever you go and whatever you do you will still be the same person - we can only change ourselves and we can't change everything at once - atm you are on a weight loss journey - this is a hard one but this is the one you are on. The best thing you can do about the crowded house and Huffnpuff is to find some space for yourself and taking long walks alone sounds pretty good to me -
Also it's part of your personal pattern to have periods of depression - yes - it comes back to not being able to see yourself in the brilliant shades of light and shadow that is how I see myself - you are stuck in a monochrome pattern of life that comes with you BPD - atm a walk is just okay - to you - to us it seems pretty good
Try and take time to yourself today - another walk sounds pretty good to me - or lie down and try for a nap this afternoon - and if the household is noisy take your car down to the back beach for an hour - anything to have time to yourself
You need the peace so hard to find in a house full of people
Dec
