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horsecrazy4eva
Casual Contributor

my story

My story... 

 

In year 5 I changed schools going from a public to a private school...that was a costly mental health mistake that I can not change...but

 

In year 5 a new school opened and had the opportunity to be part of, how hard can it be to change schools...???!!! 

 

Sadly for me things didn't turn out to be that fairy tale that I imagined...it seemed others in my classes felt that something wasn't "right" with me...but I couldn't put my finger on it...

 

It was always the same thoughts....next year will get better...it never did...

 

I started to feel some sadness and couldn't lift my spirits up for a few hours... I ususally got over it... fairly quickly...though this went on for several years 

 

then in year 8 things took another turn for the worst....my cousin who lived overseas was killed in a car accident....my family couldn't afford for me nor my sibling to go only my parents....this has affected me ongoing for several years...including still today... 

but that was because I went to school and told my friends who gave me all but zero support... 

 

in year 10 a careers expo was held, and I attended...and my friends from the school I had left were there...so i thought i'd hang with them...why not?! one instantly asked me....oh where are your friends?! I lied instantly and said "oh there around"... my brain after hearing instantly went..."well what are true friends"?! so my brain then watched and took notes...i could go to a expo stand and those friends were waiting for me...I hadn't had this in years since leaving the old school...finally the call was made that my school was to take the journey home...I got on the bus and tried to tell my brain don't fall apart its not true...but I broke apart...returning to school wasn't easy...I knew that my parents wouldn't get it at all...I went home and hid how i felt...until a few days...some students from another year came and asked me what was wrong and I just broke apart again... got sent home and oh boy were my parents pissed off... "bad person you bad person..." this happened for quite some time on and off i kept getting the "bad person"....ended up in the local emergency being assessed by the psychatric nurse...that also didn't end well... 

 

a psychiatric assessment was eventually undertaken...and i was sent to a psychiatrist...diagnosed as having an adjustment disorder...(oh now that's just "laughable"...) got sent to a clinical psychologist...that was made the more difficult as the one I was sent to was the opposite direction of the school i attended...this didn't help things...as I knew the costings behind traveling this far and getting this...my parents scraped through sending me and my siblings though to a private school, we sacrificed a lot...no new car...no expensive gifts at christmas/new year...no expensive holidays...(like the "rich" kids got) 

 

after leaving school (i finished year 12) i thought...that the feelings and the depression/anxiety feelings would go away...nope not a chance, they stuck by, and I at times struggled... 

 

at age 23, I moved out of home and down interstate...and again thought...hell yes won't have the memories and things will be better... I admit I had also found a boy friend...then too...

 

it took some time...before my parents relations changed considerably...and really changed... at age 25 I started having conversations with my parents, saying somethings not right with me...somethings wrong...i dont know what it is...

 

at age 27, the rental me and my husband were in, got sold and we couldn't find somewhere new to rent, so lived with my husbands parents...in this time my husbands parents had made extremely good friends with a general practioner and basically adopted them into the family...finally I said to my husbands mum, will you help me somethings wrong with me...it's my brain...i just haven't been able to lay my finger on it... 

 

an appointment booked...I went with my husbands mum to this family friends GP practice and had a conversation and said somethings wrong with my brain...and I said if my husbands mum would say the same who said yes... off to a psychiatrist again...but this time I had done my research on a suitable one...

 

some several ongoing weeks went by and then finally got in to see them...it didn't even take that long and the psychiatrist diagnosed me with ADHD inattentive... and prescribed medications...this changed everything...everything that had happened throughout school suddenly made sense and light bulb went off...although the psychiatric about having depression and anxiety as well...

 

in 2019, things changed again for me...I had an incident occur which resulted in an amputation to my right external ear... sadly the pain is on-going and has had to have additonal medications prescribed... so now the depression and anxiety can change from day to day... but now there a lot of anger that has crept in.... a hell of alot of anger... why was I left for so long un-diagnosed ADHD???!!!

 

through the power of facebook, I found a forum that was for ADHD... and suddenly discovered there was a hell of a lot of people like me...un-diagnosed until recently...but also having the same as me depression and anxiety.... so researched it...and it would appear that depression and anxiety is likely to be reconsigned before ADHD...

 

since the accident my working life has changed...as I struggle with full-time work as it just gets way to exhausting for my brain...the medications prescribed for my pain cause an interference with my ADHD medications...which can't be helped...but it does add up...

 

there are still stresses involved with my accident...and it all adds up...

 

however...rewind a bit...not long after my accident...I started studying a cert IV in disability and aged care...and shortly after gained work into the sector...I didn't completely finish the aged care course due to covid...but jumped up to the diploma of nursing...wow...that has been intense studying...but as a result has stopped my brain from getting seriously depressed at my pain and everything else...so now the theory to the diploma of nursing has finished and now am awaiting final work experience/placement....but have now started a cert IV in alcohol and drugs...again if I stop and give my brain time to "think" my brain collapses into a serious depression...

 

I do think with my studies there could now be some PTSD because of the incident that occured as such...but nothing before it...but hasn't been formally assessed as yet....

 

haven't confessed to my parents I have contiuned on studying... yeah its my choice...but they said its not worth it... why? because my mum was a registered nurse all her life and "thought" she knew it all... which did cause some issues as such with the way I was "treated"

 

well its getting late...not really...but 9:30pm...and brain is going into "sleepy mode"... well for the moment it is...

 

sorry am a bit lazy at the moment... can't be bothered reading back through and fixing up spelling errors...or grammar...forgive me...anyway thats me...     

2 REPLIES 2

Re: my story

Wow @horsecrazy4eva ,

 

That’s an incredibly powerful story. 

Thank you for sharing that with us. It takes a lot of bravery to come out and share your vulnerabilities with the community.

 

As a teacher, I often meet 2 very different parents. Ones who want their kid to be diagnosed so they can get as much ‘support’ as possible; then you have the other parents who refuse to believe there’s an issue.

 

Theres a difference between parents ‘being on board’ that there’s an issue; and those who actively seek ways to support their child despite diagnoses.

 

Whatever it is, I love teaching students with ADHD. They often have so many great ideas and can think outside the box. Yes, they may struggle with organisation and the processing of too much info at once, but that’s okay - because there are a million and one things they are good at!

 

Its about finding what YOU are good at. What YOU are interested in. What YOU want to do. 

Not about what someone expects you to be or wants you to be.

 

ADHD doesn’t mean you don’t have an attention span. Rather, it is about the way you regulate that attention. Some ADHDers can be so hyper-focused on their interests, that they see what you and I can’t. Perhaps this is what you need to find - the very thing that can make your strengths shine through. 

Only you can find that.

 

All the best,

BPDSurvivor 

Paperdaisy
Peer Support Worker

Re: my story

@horsecrazy4eva Thank you for sharing your story. Your story has power 💖

I wanted to share this thread with you as I thought it might be of interest. 

All the best,

Paperdaisy 

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