Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Hi @Razzle 

reading your post was like you where reading my mind in regards to your past. I have never been able to put it out there and only my counsellor knows the full extent, my ex hubby knows a little bit that is it. I still have to see one of my abusers at big family gatherings. He threatened my sister and brother and said if I told he would do much worse to them. (He knew that even though I was the middle child, I would often take the blame. So they didn't get in trouble I was always protecting someone but mainly my brother and sister even if it was their fault) so in threatening them he guaranteed my silence and compliance. Even now, 33 years after I can't not obey, when I see him I use his title  and engage him in conversation. 

When people like Pell get off it makes me wonder what chance do any of us have for justice

[Former-Member]

In times like these when I see or read about abusers getting off, 

I always tell myself:

Recovery doesn't happen in the court or in any system. A not guilty verdict or lack of justice does not erase what I have been through or change the challenge of learning to build a life worth having and continuing. 

It happens because of you and within you. Sure, hopefully therapy helps along the way, but sometimes it will not, and at the end of the day, it us, the survivors, who do the hard work. No one else. 

And that is one thing none of our abusers will ever have. Self-awareness, self-reflection, willingness and willpower. Persistence and acceptance of even the most heinous and horrific. They will never possess any of that. Its important to remember that, especially in the hardest of times. 

That's not to erase the amount of power and impact an abuser and their abuse has. It is to say that we possess a power that they don't, that is actually worthy and righteous. They could change, but they won't. Yet alone like we all do because it is what we must do in order to keep going. 

I know, trust me, how hard it is to let go of the trap that you are your abuse. Take it from me, a real person with real experience, you are not and never will be. 

Is it hard to deal with justice not being served, yes it is, but it is not deserving of the power to crush you and ruin your progress and path forward. Does it hurt, yes, is it hard to look past and forget, yes, and you don't have to in order to keep going. I never have. I use it as fuel, in hope that some day I will be able to finally reach the place I set out to, and use my story for the purpose of helping others to find their path and take their place in a worthwhile life after trauma, no matter how fucked up or prolonged. 

Is it hard to believe, yes. It is. Especially in yourself. I know that better than most. But never turn that switch off. It is what makes you more than what your abuser wanted and at times, it is all you will have to continue. 

My abusers are not worth the time of day or the energy of rumination about them and every last negative they have inflicted upon my life. They aren't worth anything. I know, that's harsh, but it is one of very few contributions to why I remain in this world.

Sometimes it is all I have, to remember that they are not worth and don't deserve getting what they wanted from me. 

To any and all survivors of his, and of any abuser, I have been in your place, I know what it is like to have to deal with both the trauma of assault and of being so crudely let down by the criminal justice system. You will and can make it through this. I am not saying this for my own sake, for reputation, because its my job to or for my own gain, I am saying it because I am a survivor too and I firmly believe in the truth. You have what it takes to make it through this, I know it is very difficult to believe that, and in no way am I saying that it will be easy, it will not, but you will make it. 

It will be hard, times are still hard for me, I am still fighting for my very existence, sometimes on a second to second basis. But it will be worth it when you come out on the other side, and you are worth it. This isn't it for you. 

You are more than your trauma and more than this verdict. 

[Jacques]

@Razzle im so so sorry this happened to you my friend, it devistates me that there are so many of us out there. 

when will this ever end, there needs to be stronger laws stopping these people. and better protections for us who have been abused and better services to support us. 

I know the pain of wanting to protect the ones we love and to be too afraid of the people who abuse us, especially if they are in a position of power. 

I told my parents what was happening to me and they confronted the nun and she denied everything, the principal claimed that nothing ever happened. the abuse continued and i felt so powerless to stop it.

I remember screaming at the windows with people walking past and it was like i was invisable, no one ever tried to help me. im so afraid now of being anywhere that i can't exit from freely. 

Im devistated to hear from you they are allowing that paedophile speak on the media, we really have reached a new low in Australia. paedophiles will always be protected by people in power, as a lot of them too are involved in child abuse. what chance do we have. 😞

i really hope they don't show the interview. please Sane i hope you can lobby the media outlet to stop them causing even more trauma. 

maybe if some of us send emails to the media outlet involved they might not show it.

[Razzle]

Hi @Jacques   Hope you are doing ok today.  I've been avoiding media a fair bit lately, getting a little tired of hearing about the virus over and over when there hasn't been any new information.  I haven't seen the ad since either, maybe the media has pulled the plug on it?  Hope so.

I'm sorry no one was hearing you when you were asking for help as a kid, at least you were brave enough to speak up.  Speaking with my councillor a couple of years ago when I finally reached out for help one thing that came up about how I feel about that little girl now - who I was back then - is how much I hate her because she was so shy and never

spoke up.  I know you weren't heard (or protected) but you did speak up and I think you very brave to have done that.

Take care, always happy to chat ❤️❤️

[Razzle]

@Former-Member   I see my abusers too.  I used to work with one of the group when I left school.  One works in a shop down our local street.  One is good mates with my oldest brother.  One of the others I walked past in the supermarket yesterday.  I feel like a puddle of soup whenever I see any of them, but outwardly I look like nothing is wrong - and I hate that too.

My last abuser died 4 or 5 years after he left this town.  He was the worst of all of them, even though he has died I'm still terrified of him.  I look back now and realise the threats he made to me against my parents were completely hollow, but they were real threats to me back then.

It took a long time to ever tell my husband what happened, even then I couldn't tell him, my councillor brought him into a session and explained everything to him - that was

not a good day.

I hope you have been doing ok these last few days, take care if yourself.  Always happy to chat if you need ❤️❤️

[Former-Member]

@Razzle , I was great full that the usual Easter celebrations had to been canceled and as such I didn't have to see him. A whole 4 months before I have to suck it and endure the pain that comes with seeing him does to me. Thanks for to offer to chat, it means a lot. Nikki (alter/protector)