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Re: Taking the plunge

I went to the country @Maggie and took some time out from technology and the suburbs. I built and spent a lot of time with timber in the shed. There's some sad happening everywhere it seems. Being away and spending time with my people felt good.

I am sorry it's tough. Is it a particular something or an everything/nothing kind of thing?

Do you have your taps?

Re: Taking the plunge

Timber, shed and people sound like a good break @CheerBear . Is your desk ready to be moved? Did you use fire?

 

Yes, I have new taps. 👍👍👍Such a difference now. Plumber arranged 8.30 start, but arrived 9.30, so I was doubting myself about what I had heard.

 

I have some big internal stuff happening. The big BAD in me came out in force, which causes withdrawal in case I infect everyone and everything. But it’s time to try and challenge some things. Why my inside twists at the mention of self care/soothing. I think I’ve face my past by, it happened to THEM, not me, but the realisation is shifting . Part of me knows I can do this, the other part is ready to run. I’ve found some useful, very useful info. I’ll leave a link if you’re interested. Talks of triggers, and manage stuff.

 

Work for you today. How is that feeling?

 

@Appleblossom  👋👋💞💞

Re: Taking the plunge

My desk is ready to move but too big for my people to lift into their car and too big to go into my car @Maggie. Waiting to find a way to get it here. We didn't use fire this time. Instead I made a huge chicken nesting box with a stand. It's nearly 2metres long, has dividers for the boxes and a fence pailing roof which makes it look kind of thatched. We painted it in bright teal (Tiffany blue almost) with a dark grey/blue trim. It's like a fancy hotel for chooks 😁 We then made a ladder and ramp for them to get into it, and a big roost with perches that goes to the roof of the aviary. Well person loves it which makes me feel good 😊 I used the circular saw lots which gave me some confidence with it. Fire next time, whenever that is.

I'm so glad you have new taps finally and that they make a difference. Part of the chicken build was to make it easier for well one who has hurting hands, like yours. Small things like easier latches and locks make a difference for her too.

😔 for the big internal stuff. I am curious whether the bad feels scary for you? Sometimes letting the bad inside me out can feel cathartic in a way, though I too worry about the impact on others. Was the mention of self care the trigger? I'm very interested in the link if you feel up for sharing. I am glad to hear you are challenging some things. It's tough going even trying to undo lots of years of conditioning. Big love Maggie.

I am a bit meh about work today. I have four kids here as one of my closest friends mum became very sick very quickly. We have had one of her crew members since Thursday. Middle's Best friend. Work from home with four is not going to be easy.

How's your day looking today?

Re: Taking the plunge

@Maggie 

Hugs

Hey @CheerBear @Sans911 @eth @outlander 

I can relate to insides that turn against ideas of self care.  Only a few years ago I would go into an inner tantrum about "pampering" and stuff.  It has been a slow change and inner work to see how that hampered my mood and lowered my experience of life.  Still not able to pamper, except in some food ways, and ambivalent and yoyoing about it.  More accepting of the NEED and that I have the  RIGHT to self care these days.  ... and to stop self punishing.

Heart

Re: Taking the plunge

I smiled visualising the chicken mansion @CheerBear. They are lucky girls. You are so caring doing things that make life easier for well person. Every little bit helps.

Sorry you can’t get the desk home, very annoying. When I was getting my bed moved, I checked gumtree, they have Ute movers. Pricy though.

 

I don’t get triggered by self care for others @CheerBear , just me. It’s been very upside down understanding, or trying to understand the concept, when previously, I’ve been taught the complete opposite. I think it’s the separation between me and others, outside of me, not my internals. One is ok, the other ( me) not ok. I’ve found some strategies, but changing my brain connections will take time. I’m operating from my trauma brain, threads from back then, they no longer apply, but my brain still reacts as if it was/is there. The link is  www.PODS-online.org.uk.

 

Work with 4 kids will be challenging today @CheerBear . I hope you have milk and coffee. Sorry about your close friend mum. So good you can be there for her though.

 

I have some flat cleaning today, so not too bad.

 

 

Re: Taking the plunge

@Appleblossom  The self punishment is a big one for me. It been more normal I think. I’ve formed a mentally that I deserve it. I’ve become my own abuser. A difficult pill to swallow. But I will try some small steps, it’s the guilt and shame that come with trying, but I’ve moved past feeling guilty for breathing too much air, so anything is possible.

Its a slow journey, but bit by bit, who knows.

Big 💙💙💙💙@Appleblossom 

Re: Taking the plunge

Re: Taking the plunge

@eth @CheerBear 

Smiley Happy

@MaggieJust the simple phrase ... that you have gotten past breathing too much air ... says so much.

Heart

About the good and the bad:

If my devils are to leave me, I am afraid my angels will take flight as well.

Rainer Maria Rilke

Take Care ALL

Re: Taking the plunge

@CheerBear  Heading for a second ️.💚💚

 

How did yesterday go? Do you still have 4 kids plus work today?

 

@Appleblossom @eth @Sans911 @outlander @Gazza75 and anyone passing 👋👋

Re: Taking the plunge

Morning @Maggie and everyone. Late night last night and I'm only just waking. My half asleep eyes are saying yes please to coffee 😁

Yesterday was OK thanks Maggie. Work was good. I have some notes to finish this morning which is a bit annoying. Only three kids here today.

How is your day looking today?
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