Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Juz]

My wife and I have been together for 15 years (married 10) and she is now in hospital suffering hwr 3rd episode. When well, she is a loving, attentive and sweet woman. When unwell she cannot fathom that she or I have any feelings for eachother and is intent on leaving. This causes massive heartache not just to myself but most importantly our 11 yr old daughter. Whilst I'm aware that this too will pass, I'm fi ding it all bit impoasible to access someone to talk to professionally myself affordably. I recently got a referral to a psychologist (under the impression it was free on a pension card) only to find out it would be at least 50 dollars out of pocket, something we cant afford on a single income. Just wondering if anyone has any tips or similar experiences that could maybe give me a little advice. Cheers Juz.

[pip]

@Juz. When your wife is home does she take her AD's regularly, or is she 'receiving' messages advising her not to take them. Is she monitored or are you struggling alone. When you live with a schizophrenic, the difficulty understanding the way their mind works is almost impossible. Have you discussed with your Dr the difficulty you're having getting professional help? I know you can ask for a mental health plan, whether this just applies to the patient, or extends to families, I'm not sure. If you're familiar with Beyond Blue, log on to their site and ask if anyone there can advise you. They have trained counsellors who may have some suggestions to guide you. I'm not trying to take anything from here, but schizophrenia requires specialist advise. BB may have more knowledge or know where you can obtain the help you need.

[Juz]

They've now put her back on a depo (injection). Last episode lasted 6 weeks, we're now approximately 4 weeks into this one. For some reason her treating team decided it was appropriate to let her manage her own meds after the last two. And again she obviously decided she no longer needed them. And as far as myself, I went to my GP who put me on a mental health plan so I could access a psychologist to talk through the situation. When I contacted the place he referred me to I was informed it would be $140 of which I could claim around half on medicare, with a slight discount for concession ($20). This is impossible with my wife in hospital and has left me feeling a little helpless. I will try beyond blue, SANE just happened to be the first place that popped up when I began my search.

[Appleblossom]

Hello @Juz

I have lived with 4 people who had been diagnosed as schizophrenic .. some of them on and some of them off their meds ...(mother/father/sister/husband)

I get that you care about your wife and family ... do your own research ... when I was in family therapy .. they put effort into developing the sense that you do know what is happening in your own family the best .. as opposed to the experts ... that doesnt mean that we all cant benefit from consulting others about life issues.

I understand the terrible reality of budgeting for psychologists ... even with the rebate ... it has been a considerable expense to me .. and I wonder if my sister had spent her money on clothes and going to the movies together that she would still be here ...that is my story ...

Still book in to psych .. and try and pay and get as big a discount as possible .. and if the psychologist is not worth it get another referral .. dont settle for them unless you feel benefit the first session ... take care

[coffeegirl]

Hi @Juz

You are entitled to 10 free sessions with a psychologist through medicare. The process usually is that a GP will give you a mental health plan. They will then refer you on to a psychologist, where 10 of your sessions should be free.

I'm not entirely sure if psychologists can pick and choose whether they take patients under the medicare scheme - but if one isn't willing to do it for free, you should go back to your GP and ask for a referral to one who does.

Everyone with a medicare card has access to this  (pension or not). 

Another resource is the Carer association in your own state. There is the general Carers *insert state* (ie: Carers ACT) . They provide counselling for carers.

There's also state based organisations specifically for carers of people with mental illness. You can find your state based organisation on their  national page here . Each state provides a variety of services for carers - but at the very least, all have a support number you can use.

It's great that you're reaching out for support and taking care of yourself - it's so important. Remember, these forums are here too, anytime you want to connect with other carers.

All the best.

[Juz]

Thank you @coffeegirl. Yes I've contacted our local carer consultant, unfortunately she's away at the moment. And I think I will make another GP appointment. I'm coping reasonably well, just wanting to be proactive with my wellbeing this time around. Schizophrenia is such a hard illness to watch someone you love suffer. I call it "the most selfish illness in existence", she goes from being one of the most selfless and caring people I know to a vain, uncaring and completely self centred being in the space of a week once the illness hits.

Thank you very mauch for your advice and taking the time to care. Lovely people!

[pip]

@Juz. Your description of your wife's behaviour is very much the way their mind is controlled by this debilitating illness. Often with schizophrenia the sufferer has no idea what they're saying, nor how their actions affect their nearest and dearest. They have this fear that they're being watched and talked about. We have one where I live and when she is taking her AD's regularly, she is fine. Unfortunately, she lives alone and frequently forgets to take her AD's Is your wife able to communicate on a reasonable level or does she say things that are totally incomprehensible to you? When she is having her period of 'time out' this is when you need to care for you. Any sort of mental health can be selfish to onlookers. Depression is also selfish as the sufferer feels completely smothered by clouds of blackness that they're unable to lift. It sounds as though you have depression as a result of living with a debilitating illness that is also hard to comprehend. When you say your wife seems to become vain and self centred, can you be a bit more specific. Is she suddenly completely obsessed with her appearance, to the point of completely ignoring you? Is she overly concerned that people are staring at her? If this is the case, it could be that her 'voices' are telling her she's being watched and listened to. A person with her illness can sometimes talk in riddles if they feel they're being watched. Watching t.v becomes an obsession too, to see what signals they pick up. They quite often believe the t.v is 'speaking' directly to them instructing them to watch someone or take care of animals, birds, wildlife. My neighbour frequently informs us she is receiving messages from our local M.P to make sure our wild birds are being fed. ;

[Attahua]

I can totally relate to your frustration on waiting to see a physchologist, since my partner's last episode in March this year I have been on a waiting list since the beginning of June and still haven't got an appointment....so frustrating!Does your wife have a caseworker through your local mental health team as they should be able to support you and your daughter as well !!!!??? My partner is on a community treatment order so he now HAS to have his depot monthly as he could no longer be trusted to take his orals, of course he came out of hospital with orals too and low and behold he no longer takes them!!!!!!Claims he doesn't need them!!!! A very common argument with someone who has schizophrenia!!You have probably already been advised to look after yourself and your daughter whilst your wife is in hospital and that is the best advice I found as you cannot look after someone once they are home and in recovery if you are not strong yourself.......easier said then done!!! I am also advised to NOT visit my partner too often but just go on with my normal routines as when they are well they have very little memory of whether you visited every day or not.....again , easier said then done. When my partner is hospitalised it is 600kms away from our home so I am forced not to visit often although the very first episode I went through with him I was driving up and down every weekend and burnt myself out....and felt quite resentful towards him as he had no memory of it!!! Three more episodes later and I have learnt what best works for us as I have a 16 year old daughter who needs me too and a full time job. I wish you the best of luck on your journey and please remember to look after YOU