Lived Experience Forum

[BethPaige]

I was diagnosed with PND when my daughter was 5 months old, and referred to a psychologist. I only saw her for 3 sessions, the last of which she told me that foster care could be organised. I have a close, amazing, support network and this response made me put on my happy face and bury what was going on because I need help, not to have my daughter taken off me.

She is now 18 months old and I can't keep going burying my head in the sand. I am not coping with her, she knows exactly how to push my buttons and I'm terrified of going back to talk to anyone. I don't have a GP, and I can't afford to see the one I take my daughter to. It feels wrong to go into some random unknown bulk billing clinic and ask for...what? I don't know if I need medication, I don't want to talk to someone who will be like the last person. 

My daughter is at no risk, I would move the earth for her, but at the moment I am not being the mother she deserves and I don't know how to be. I hate being a mum, it feels like a constant battle for little or no reward. I miss my old life and constantly think about what I could be doing if I hadn't gotten married and had a baby. 

How long does PND go on for? And when does it stop being PND and become "normal" depression? Is it possible to get a referral to see someone without seeing a GP first?

[-karma-]

Hi @BethPaige

I wonder if you would feel comfortable approaching your maternal health nurse, or even another MHN in your local government area?

You've been brave to admit to the relationship with your daughter and mothering, it is a difficult job! Which is all the more reason to seek support in caring for her and yourself. Your nurse can assist with linking you in with supports in your area, this may even be as simple as being with other Mums, organising some respite for yourself from mothering, or getting to the bottom of your own mental health.

If you're in Victoria;

Maternal and Child Health Line, 13 22 29

could be another option, it is available 24/7.

The web site looks to provide links to some of the supports I mentioned also

http://www.education.vic.gov.au/childhood/parents/support/Pages/mchline.aspx

Congrats on taking steps to getting help for yourself

[Appleblossom]

Do you have too high standards about how you think you should mother? ... I did.

Fear of losing a child has enormous effects on how we parent.

Foster parents arent perfect ... not the ones I had ... or the ones I have observed as an adult.

It is important that you can talk things out without fear of have child removed.  I dont know what caused your last counsellor to suggest that.

I dont know the protocols and would like PANDA to let us know.

[PANDA]

Hi @BethPaige

Of course you 'put on your happy face'... such a normal response to being misunderstood and not feeling 'safe' in sharing your real thoughts and feelings. I am so sorry your experience resulted in an additional 13 months of suffering in silence.

When experiencing anixety and depression it is really hard to be the mother or father you want to be. I can hear how much you love your daughter and how sad you are that you are not being the mum she deserves. 

As far as an answer to the question how long does PND go on for... left untreated it can continue for a long time and with potentially devastating consequences like you have spoken about. Since the symptoms you mention started following the birth of your daughter it sounds a lot like this is PND that has not recieved adequate assessment and treatment.

It is brave of you to reach out for help and I have no doubt that you would 'move earth' for your daughter. Seeking help is the first step in doing this. You might like to contact PANDA to talk through your fears, pain and struggles with a counsellor who understands how complex and difficult your situation can be: both loving and hating being a mother, wanting things to change but not having any faith in the system you need to help you.

We can help you with the first step of finding a GP that is interested in perinatal mental health, that you trust, and that is affordable.

We speak with mums and dads struggling following the birth of their ba,by everyday. Many have faced judgement and stigma and ended up feeling ashamed. Please don't continue to do this alone.

You can email support@panda.org.au or call the PANDA National Helpline on 1300 726 306 10-5pm Monday to Friday.

We look forward to hearing from you.

The PANDA Team