Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[TBH]

After not being able to convince our doctor that my husband  wasnt  well, he had a stroke. This happened 12 months ago . He was discharged from hospital after 2 weeks  rehab. . I had no idea what I was in for. He was incontinent , couldn't get in or out of bed and couldn't stand by himself. The first night he fell out of bed  and couldnt get to the toilet.  It was in winter and the laundry was filled with dirty laundry. I was an emotional and physical wreck.  I do have help now but my home has people coming and going all week.  My issue is I dont want to be a carer.. I didn't ask to do it.. I didn't have any training when my husband was in rehab. I feel so trapped and miserable. I cant find one positive   and I sometimes dream of having my own place. My adult children are worried  are my declining  physical and mental health. Unfortunately the Covid19 social  isolation has made it so much harder. 

My hobbies are swimming, reading, and art.

[Tortoiseshell]

Hey there @TBH, 

I'm one of the moderators, I've moved your post to it's own 'discussion' so that other members can jump in and support you more. The 'introduce yourself here' is more for quick hellos, sorry if that's not so clear!

Welcome to the forums and thanks for speaking with such honesty about what you are going through. That sounds like a huge change and loss 12 months ago, and I can hear how trapped you are feeling. I am very glad you have reached out here to let people know how you are feeling. Even if we can't change it we can listen 🌷

Also loving the sound of your hobbies, we have a few crafty threads, here is one: 🎨 .... ART. CLASS ..., 🖼 

[Dadcaringalone]

@TBH 

I hear you loud and clear! Since my son got sick I have felt exactly the same as you: "My issue is I dont want to be a carer.. I didn't ask to do it.. I didn't have any training when my husband was in rehab. I feel so trapped and miserable." I feel exactly the same as you for the past 10 years or so caring for my son with an acute mental health condition. I am happy to chat as I have felt that it really helps to know others are also going through what you are experiencing. I am always the fall-back person and it falls to me to take care when everyone else gets on with what they are doing. The trapped feeling is the worst and its been really hard for carers during Covid19 especially as we can't go out for a coffee or a swim! Please drop me a line explaining how I can help by using @Dadcaringalone 

Some days its a real struggle to keep going because as you say, I didn't ask to do this!

Dadcaringalone

[TBH]

I am adding to my own message. Part of my negative emotions is that I feel so let down by the medical profession. My husband had all the preconditions for a stroke as well as a strong family history. It was so preventable but I couldnt convince our doctor to check him. He said it was up to my husband to tell him that he wasnt well. And that his personality had changed..  I know I'm grieving for our lost relationship and lifestyle.  There is no communication  and he doesnt know how I feel. I am responsible for everything in running the household while he sits in his chair all day. I just dont know how to enjoy life anymore and nobody understands. I continually get told to look after myself but how?. I am always thinking about him and when I do get out I wish I didn't have to face the same old struggle again.  

[Former-Member]

@TBH 

There is a lot of grief there and I really like how Dr Delaney illustrates very early on in this talk about life "not being what we ordered"

https://youtu.be/TxSd8f2Utpk

[TBH]

Thank you for your support and I really appreciate being able to express my emotions. I have felt so broken in spirit and didn't know how fix it. The video on grief helped.by making me realise that the path I was going along was gone and I can choose a different one..  I have to realise my husband  is not the same person I married  and it wasnt my fault.  Just recently  we have been approved for 12 weeks high care respite and I am going to use it when the Covid19 eases.. My situation has hope now but I know from the past, it doesnt take much to come crashing down again. At least the forum is here  for support and I am going to keep strong for me. Thanks for caring.

[Former-Member]

@TBH💛