Lived Experience Forum

[nashy]

Hey there @Former-Member you always have very deep and incredible insights. Sounds like a few of the community members here have a bit to reflect on and maybe some relatability with what you said too.

You mentioned, "I really struggle with the emotional, pity, sympathy and empathy attempts that make up a mental health peer support site." I guess it comes down to perspective. I see a lot of our members offering up empathy, and it's something I think is really valuable and beautiful. But I am sorry to hear that it does not resonate with you or integrate in a way that is helpful, what sort of support is more helpful for you, in a setting like the SANE Forums?

@eth Thanks for your post too. I am sure @Former-Member will respectfully refrain from tagging you. If you both need any support, please send an email to team@saneforums.org and one of our mods can provide some insight.

[Former-Member]

.

[Former-Member]

I agree to a point @nashy that it is to do with perspective. But other points are experiential and whether an individual needs a given thing or not. My perspective is one that grants me the capacity to understand they are useful for others and to respect that, whilst also understanding and respecting my own needs. 

As for what types of support can SANE offer, I am coming to understand that the answer is I doubt I can find what I need here. Its a difficult circumstance because I more than likely would not be in this type of environment if I could access the help and support I do need elsewhere in my every day life. It does create certain unease with me being here, and I apologise for that. I appreciate anyone who reads and has insights to offer, but as I have said, that doesn't always equate to the help I'm looking for. I mean that in the least offensive manner as possible. 

I guess I struggle with what I am "supposed to get from here" and the sense I get that I should be getting specific things, because I'm not and doubt I ever will. 

[Eden1919]

@Former-Member  It can be difficult I personally find it very hard when people ask me what I want from being on here because most of my wants in life and non material things and are not even nessecarily action things it is more that I desire a certain sense of inner peace which it seems is incredibly difficult for me to attain. So normally I just tell people I like to have a space where I can vent my feelings or relate to others. But I also don’t always think it is important why people come or stay on here unless it is clear they have a malicious agenda, sometimes I think well for me I won’t presume to know if it is helpful or not for you, but for me I would just prefer that people just let me be here as I am without trying to fix or help in an active way. For me unless I specifically ask for help of some sort on here I am usually not looking for advice or “help” of any kind sometimes I just need to have a space that isn’t in my own head. And I feel like it isn’t always important to know why someone does something because usually I assume (maybe not always best to make assumptions) that if someone is doing something it is because they are getting something out of it and it might not be my business what that something is but as long as no one is hurting someone else I usually like to just let people do what they are doing because if they are doing it then it must serve a purpose to them and the why doesn’t always really matter. But that is just my opinion feel free to take or leave it as you desire. 

[Former-Member]

I understand that @Eden1919  I think a lot of people are like that. I am the opposite. I am my own space, so if I have taken the very difficult step of accepting that I am not enough/able to help myself and actually reached out to others, it always means I need to gain something external to my own internal resources and space. Despite the fact I talk a lot when I do talk, and seemingly am rather open about the vast majority of things, I am actually an extremely private and independent person, so doing that comes with a huge expense to myself and I find it very challenging. Especially because usually the people I end up reaching out to assume I trust them just because I have come to them and am communicating. No, I trust my needs and that I need help. 

I also find it difficult because people assume that help means them telling me what and how to do things, them helping me, as opposed to me obtaining whatever it is I need to help myself. I don't need help knowing what and how, I need help obtaining them so I can use them/benefit from them. 

Other times it is a situation where I know what end result I need to achieve, but because I haven't had any success with finding resources to achieve them, I don't know what those resources are or where to find them. All I know is they seemingly don't exist. Or say its a skill I need to learn to master but haven't because the foundation isn't there, especially when the foundation ideally should have happened in childhood. Its a case of I can use the skill, but it isn't actually working, regardless of how much people say it should be because it does for everyone else, apparently. 

When I have received/found/gained what I need to help myself achieve X result, I go away and do my own thing. Some results require long term commitment to working with others who have what I need to be able to learn how to help myself, others are literally one off things that need to be "allowed" to happen so I can move on in life, or things I need to do or get only once. 

Anyways, I don't want to go off on a tangent and I think unfortunately, it does come to the conclusion that I won't get what I'm looking for here, and that I'd be a lot better off if this wasn't my only support option so I could leave for my own and everyone here sakes.