I am seeing that with my hubby and son. @Former-Member,and at times with my daughter. My son is helping me to some extent, because he is opening up and explaining his new “rules”, as in how this thinking is now being governed, and where previously he was able to respond one way, now there is an inflexibility in place, like an invisible wall that seemingly only he can see ..... but my daughter can see it too ..... she has the understanding of his “new” thinking because she has the same inherent patterns. It’s like a dialect.
That in turn helps me to see that these are also mr’s inherent patterns, aside from the obvious behaviours, and it’s clear that the kids “feel” what he is going through .....
When the storm clears I think it will be a case of accepting that some changes to personality have occurred somewhat permanently, but others are likely to transition back to somewhere near where they were before. It is my impression that we can help that transition by providing “pilot lights” .... gently mapping out the social expectations again, of personal boundaries and social niceties.
At the moment, mr. is swinging around between being oppositional to help, to accepting help, to seeking help, to ignoring help .... and that might remain as our new status quo. He will be governed by comfort levels, methinks, and gravitate towards change when he feels a lessening of stress and tension in the new direction.
Conversation openers might be -
“You might find it more comfortable if you .... “
”Other people might find it more comfortable if you .... “
”Some people tend to find it a bit off-putting if you ..... “
”Probably they are expecting you to ..... “
I hope this helps.
