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Senior Contributor

Lonely

I'm going through a really hard time where I just don't want to be around anyone, but I'm lonely. I'm trying to date but seem to be put off everyone I meet and just have no drive to be around them. How do I get out of this anti social behaviour?

10 REPLIES 10
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Senior Contributor

Re: Lonely

@Flower88  Hi Flower88 I am not really the right person to speak to as I dont want any man near me and am quite anti social and like it that way.However, haver you tried walking groups etc. groups where you can be out for a couple of hours have a gentle chit chat and then come home again in the peace and sanctity of your own space without getting over whelmed. 

 

I have been thinking of doing that. I see them on my walks and there appears to be the ones that chat non stop whilst others who just go along for the walk. Nice way to meet a varity of people without a heavy date on a dating service imho. There are other courses through the community services which you can do like learning a language or art etc. peaxx

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Re: Lonely

Hi @Flower88 

 

Your post spoke to me! I feel the same way.  Because of my aversion to people I've isolated myself away, and now I'm feeling lonely.  Sometimes I reach out to friends to hang out but I invariably become very self conscious.  Then I worry they are judging me, thinking I'm anti-social, which I am! It's a cycle! 

 

I've found the best way to combat this is to reach out to a friend who is non-judgemental.  I have a mate like this and he honestly doesn't care if I sit there like a lump, or if I am in one of my up moods, or if I'm practicing being positive and don't always say the right thing. Because he can be a bit much I tend to keep these visits short, but it helps me to feel connected.  

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Re: Lonely

@Flower88 . I'm currently in a similar situation. Except for the dating part. 

After about 2 years,  my depression has finally gone.  During that time though,  I isolated myself,  and only have 1 friend I see or hear from.  I'm lonely.  But struggle to join in groups or volunteer organisations. 

Today,  I just dropped off my form to join WellWays,  a group that supports those with physical and mental illness to join in and have a full life. 

Now obviously I haven't started yet,  so I can't tell you if they are good or not.  But I hope they are good. 

Could you find an organisation like this near your area?  It might just give you a head start. And help stop the loneliness. 

Just a suggestion.  I wish you well. 

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Re: Lonely

Hi, I’m new here, and the only advice I can come up with is that dating may not be the answer. Finding friendships might be more helpful I have found for me anyway. 

 

I replied because I feel the same way. After leaving an abusive relationship, I feel incredibly isolated. I am trying hard to be well for my little one. I don’t really know what to do. We have been through a lot and leaving the house is scary, people seem scary

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Re: Lonely

For me..being around people is exhausting. I easily get drained by having to pretend to be 'ok' and try to interact with people. It's a catch 22 as people drain me but I get lonely when i don't have someone (only selective people who I can trust) around me. 

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Re: Lonely

I get what you mean with the catch 22. I can only do one person at a time. Bad days I can’t do people at all 

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Re: Lonely

Hello and hugs @Loreli , @Flower88 , @lostbutterfly , @utopia , @Katch 

how is your day going xx

how are you getting around the forum my friends

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Re: Lonely

There are days when I just can't leave my house...I attempt to get ready to go out and do something. I manage to get dressed..then I freeze and I can't open the door and leave. I've bailed on appointments, catch ups or volunteering evebts etc with people at the last minute because I just freeze and can't manage to get out the door.

Even though I know that getting out will probably help..i just cant gather the strength to make it out the door.

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Re: Lonely

Hello all, 

 

@Flower88 

 

This post spoke volumes to me... It is me to a tee.... I could quite easily just curl up in bed forever and shut out the world... but on the flip side it is so lonely.. So i try to force myself to go out and about.

Once i get going, and finally get to my destination, I am fine... but getting out of bed, and getting motivated is a real struggle

I too have been guilty of cancelling appointments etc at the last minute, cos sometimes.. it is all just way too hard and I just cannot do it or face it.

 

Please know you are not alone.... 

 

Lostandalone

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