Lived Experience Forum

[Bast]

Hi Mummamia

Thank you for your reply. I am so grateful that you exist. 

[Owlunar]

Hi @Bast 

I took the weekend off so I just read this and I understand how tough things can be with life picking away at the edges of your thoughts and confidence - this can be a hard stage of life and serious thoughts - I  am a serious person myself okay with this but I don't think this is what you are talking about - I tend to study a lot

But I do get it that other people are often overwhemed by things like Chernobyl - I have been when I have heard of it since - my son was in Juvenile Detention when that happened and I knew about it but I had my mind on my son - it was 33 years ago and that's hard to believe - how much time has passed since such a terrible disaster - and a lot of people died there -  I guess they had to shoot the animals that were exposed to the radiation - this would have prevented terribly suffering - but hard to think about - I really believe that is hard to imagine

My old Companion Cat died when she was 15 - I am glad you still have your cat - they do mean a lot to us - I miss my girl - I live by myself so she was my immediate family - time does pass that

So after thinking about it your serious thoughts are nothing like mine and your alternative path would be difficult and not good - I really don't know your story but I read that you are looking for support - I am trying to send some - I have worked hard on this post and changed a lot of it as I have been writing - I think things are really hard for you

Hug your cat for me - I really loved mine too

Dec

[Owlunar]

Hi @eth 

Yes - I am in public housing and it's pretty good actually - I have cared for this place for 15 years and it does need painting outside - I don't want the inside painted though - just the smell of the paint will upset me - give me bad headaches - and it is intrustive having people come in here and take photos

I know there are people in public housing that don't care for their residence - I consider that irresponsible but I am responsible

There's only one thing wrong with this place and that's because it's cold - winter costs me a lot for heating - they did put in reverse cycle A/C and had the place insulated - it does need a lot of work done outside - the weather does that and I hope they fix it - after all - it's their asset

But this unit is the only one owned by the ministry - the area is quiet and well maintained and the property is a bit like a park with the units around the sides - really pretty and close to facilities - I think I was lucky to find this place

Okay - they can come and look and I can ask them not to paint the inside and they

might be happy about that

This is the second time they have been here - every year might be a bit much

The pain clinic - yes - the day after the inspection - and after last week - I seemed to have a headache for days - I had a quiet weekend - I do deserve to be heard - 

There were years of my life when I was not being heard - a lot of it was a about my son and then after all that and not related was about my chronic pain - I went through a hard time at the beginning of this adventure - I don't want to go through that again and I am going to ask that that which is working now is not changed - if I am left alone I will reduce my dosage when I can - 

I can't imagine anyone wanting to live with severe pain - any kind of pain really - an unrealistic idea of someone who hasn't had much

But thanks

Dec

[Owlunar]

Hi @utopia 

It must have been horrible having a doctor you have never seen before giving you a lecture - after all - you know about your own body too

My GP told me that some doctors have read or been instructed to try and get people off certain medications if they have been on them for a long time and this can be unrealistic - and also - I have also had other doctors with their own ideas on what is good for someone else - 

And we don't need lectures - with all the studying I have done since I left school and therefore paid for myself I really think I have learned a great deal more - I would have gone ahead with my PH.D had my circumstances been better at the time - alas - I did not - but my GP at the time said I would have been a real doctor and that impressed me - the idea still does

All the best Utopia

Dec

[Owlunar]

Thanks @Former-Member 

That is a lovely picture

And thanks too @BlueBay 

Dec

[Shaz51]

ohhhh @Bast , sending you lots of tender hugs my friend , how are you today xx

Hello @MummaMia 

Hello @Owlunar , @utopia 

[eth]

Hey @Owlunar  how did you go at the pain clinic (if you want to talk about it)?  Hope your headache at least has gone by now.

[Owlunar]

Hi @eth 

The Ministry Home Inspection is tomorrow and the Pain Clinic Appointment is on Thursday - aw - this gives me a headache - I didn't have one yesterday but it's back today

I saw my GP yesterday and he gave me a letter - saying that I am stable on the medication as it stands - and it's up to me to say what I have been doing to help myself - I think I have been telling myself this repeatedly and it will work

My domestic helper came today at 9.00 am - I had woken earlier and dozed for a bit and I was not really ready to get up and have anything to do with the world - and the rest of the week is the same - early starts - and this headache has really moved in - brought it's personal possessions and told its friends - yawn - I feel like going back to sleep this afternoon

I seem to be complaining about all of this a lot - which would be okay I think - I was away the week before and returned to the weather here in Melbourne and a major anniversary last week and this week two big deals - enough! It's enough.

So - to count my blessings - my daughter and her husband fly back from the Sunshine Coast tomorrow and the days have started getting longer - we have had some lovely days - almost spring-like - and winter is passing. I can start planning my trip to Cairns and need to get some extra clothes so I can go with my support worker next week and just browse around the mall - 

It's always a good idea to have something to look forward to when there has been a shadowy patch - this year has been easier

Dec

[eth]

Hi @Owlunar  just flitting through this evening.  So glad to hear this year feels like it went better and that you have things to look forward to.  Take care.

[Owlunar]

This year has been beter @eth 

When I think back that for so long I went through 3.5 months of confusion, sorrow, grief and ploughing through questions that never could be answered it seems a loss of time when I could have been more fruitful - and I did this every year for over thirty years

But then - I did write a programme on learning theory a long time ago - the idea being that in a class everybody learned something - even if it was just to entertain our brain while everyone else was absorbed in the subject being taught - and this was near the begining of the tough years of my life

And what I learned after my son died was the most important things I ever learned - it's important to have a baby - wow - what a great moment that is!! Everything is fantastic - even when I gave birth to a premmie - it was fantastic

But when my son died it was terrible and so much of it I was alone - and this was hard and I learned - it was the most important thing that happened in my life. It changed who I am - I am a better person because of it - more sensitive, more empathetic

It's also great that I have negotiated this year so much better - what have I learned this year? I really don't think I can answer that yet - maybe I will know in the future

We can't change the past and we can't see the future - I am in a stage of my life now where I am aware that I have lived the longest part of my life - the time left is for me to travel for as long as I can - my trip to Cairns in a few weeks will be the 9th trip in 4 years - 3rd this year - I get so much out of planning, going, coming home and remembering my trips - and where do I go next? - I want to go further - maybe Darwin or Perth.

The last couple of weeks have not been easy but okay  - I have a feeling that life has been tough but the tough part is over

Dec