14-07-2019 11:43 AM
That was the year you got married - that does make it more poignant @BlueBay - and you had to wait a long time for your daughter to be born as I did - I think you had miscarriages as well - we share this kind of experience which adds to our learning curve
I understand - you would tear up identifying with both of us at that time - I didn't know much about MI back then and only got the BPD diagnosis from a psychologist who did post-mortem Dx for people who had lost family members to suicide - and that was recent - there really was very little help back then - amazing to think about the changes since then - my son's death was something that triggered off a lot of changes in the Juvenile Justice System here - something good to know - it's something that has helped me to deal with it and I involved with it back then
Answer when you are ready - I understand
14-07-2019 11:50 AM
sorry about before. I got so emotional just thinking how hard it must have been for you. And for your beloved son too. But I know you never abandoned him. You were there for him. It was circumstances that didn’t allow him to come home.
Life can be so shit at times and cruel.
We just went to see MIL with hubby. This time our youngest son came. She was asleep but looked horrible. Very very drawn in the face. We left after 15 mins. No point staying longer. She wasn’t waking up and if she did she wouldn’t know us.
On way home know. I feel very emotional overwhelmed sad today. I’m keeping to myself.
Thinking of you ❤️❤️
14-07-2019 12:08 PM
There's never any need to apologise for being emotional @BlueBay
That is something that comes from the rules of those people you haven't been hurt by life yet - or like my mother - don't want to be upset -
They don't know it but they are missing out on life - and what's the point of telling them - they don't want to know - but people here to know - and share and care - such an important way to be
I had warned my son that the way he was going would eventually mean I couldn't help him - I went to the Juvenile Justice Centre every week - often twice sometimes three times a week - I am sure my omnipresence helped him a lot but running away while he was on work-release put him in a bad place - alas - he couldn't see that he was making things worse for himself but that is all in the past now
Seeing your MIL has to be so hard - it sounds as if the end is coming as it must - but if she sleeps a lot she is not suffering
My mother did suffer and I think you know that I told her I wouldn't visit because I didn't like being snarled at - I did write to her quite often but never heard anything for years and she wouldn't talk to me on the phone either - and my sister read my notes to her telling her I would come and see her if she wanted to see me but I still ask myself where my sister's duty of care to our mother was because she (sister) never got in touch with me
So - yes - I do know and understand - I wonder who's mother was worse off themselves - it must be agony to visit when someone doesn't know you - and it is also agony when their dementia is agressive - there's no comparing - it's a very hard stage of life
I did visit one of my grandmother's in a nursing home for years - my father didn't but my uncles did - she had all her marbles until the end and I enjoyed going there and spending time with her when she would share her stories and wisdom - dementia is such a rotten thing to have to deal with and worse too for the family - I once heard a doctor telling one of his patients who was upset about her father - the family does have to endure it - the patient usually is the only one who doesn't know
I don't know if this helps
I care heaps
14-07-2019 01:32 PM
sitting with you my second mum @Dec
my mind is going a hundred miles an hour here , with so much to say
but firstly saying yes to anniversaries are hard and how some anniversaries really stick in our minds , why , how and when is the big questions
and how certain things can trigger memberies, like for me ( a certain flower , or a certain date or even a certain time )
like seeing a cat card -- reminds me of my great gran who sent me cat cards every year for my birthday
14-07-2019 05:49 PM - edited 18-07-2019 10:38 PM
Thanks for the cuddly, hugging cat card @Shaz51 - I love those myself
You have a great deal going on atm - with your Mr Shaz and his kids and your Mother - no wonder your mind races - a bit of emotional overload I think
Thinking of you
18-07-2019 12:16 PM
It's Thursday - and the anniversary has passed and I had a bad day yesterday - a bad headache - I was okay for weeks and weeks before the bad day but it really caught up with me this week and this morning I woke up to the next problem that is something that has to be worked out and cannot be ignored
I am seeing my pain specialist next week - the last time I saw her was in January and she is new to the job - she wanted to change things and unfornately - in spite of my efforts - this didn't work and I am not feeling happy at all about seeing her again but it's necessary
The idea is to be firm - and luckily I have the support of my GP who has seen the painful results of my efforts. I have reduced my medication a great deal over the last years and I will continue to do so nothing being changed and that I will do this of my own accord when I can - and not when someone else thinks it's a good idea.
Which makes perfect sense to me
Changes are not working - I hope this young woman can see that - my GP says a new specialist has an idea that she has probably learned that after I have been on this medication for a long time I should be off them - but nothing has been done to improve the physical considition of my spine and I am puzzled as to why anyone would think it would be easier to manage when two MRIs taken many years apart show things to be deteriorating
And in the early days I had a lot of procedures that made things worse and I don't want to go back to that
I am not looking forward to going through this appointment - I never do but the previous specialists I have seen at the Pain Clinic have been supportive though I have always been nervous - never taken anything for granted - this worked out - this young woman is different.
My opinion is that if something is working why change it
My GP is writing a letter to support me - that he has seen how much pain I am in when I take less medication
Dec - things have been tough enough this week
If you need urgent assistance, see Need help now
For mental health information, guidance and referrals, see the SANE Help Centre
SANE Forums is published by SANE Australia with funding from the Australian Government Department of Health
SANE Australia ABN 92006533606
PO Box 226 South Melbourne 3205 Australia