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Re: Life can be a Pain

That was the year you got married - that does make it more poignant @BlueBay  - and you had to wait a long time for your daughter to be born as I did - I think you had miscarriages as well - we share this kind of experience which adds to our learning curve

 

I understand - you would tear up identifying with both of us at that time - I didn't know much about MI back then and only got the BPD diagnosis from a psychologist who did post-mortem Dx for people who had lost family members to suicide - and that was recent - there really was very little help back then - amazing to think about the changes since then - my son's death was something that triggered off a lot of changes in the Juvenile Justice System here - something good to know - it's something that has helped me to deal with it and I involved with it back then

 

Answer when you are ready - I understand

 

Dec

Re: Life can be a Pain

Hi @Dec 

sorry about before. I got so emotional just thinking how hard it must have been for you. And for your beloved son too. But I know you never abandoned him. You were there for him. It was circumstances that didn’t allow him to come home. 

Life can be so shit at times and cruel. 

We just went to see MIL with hubby. This time our youngest son came. She was asleep but looked horrible. Very very drawn in the face. We left after 15 mins. No point staying longer. She wasn’t waking up and if she did she wouldn’t know us. 

On way home know. I feel very emotional overwhelmed sad today. I’m keeping to myself. 

Thinking of you ❤️❤️

Re: Life can be a Pain

sending you tender hugs my @Dec HeartHeart

 

cat cuddles.jpg

 

Re: Life can be a Pain

There's never any need to apologise for being emotional @BlueBay 

 

That is something that comes from the rules of those people you haven't been hurt by life yet - or like my mother - don't want to be upset - 

 

They don't know it but they are missing out on life - and what's the point of telling them - they don't want to know - but people here to know - and share and care - such an important way to be

 

I had warned my son that the way he was going would eventually mean I couldn't help him - I went to the Juvenile Justice Centre every week - often twice sometimes three times a week - I am sure my omnipresence helped him a lot but running away while he was on work-release put him in a bad place - alas - he couldn't see that he was making things worse for himself but that is all in the past now

 

Seeing your MIL has to be so hard - it sounds as if the end is coming as it must - but if she sleeps a lot she is not suffering

 

My mother did suffer and I think you know that I told her I wouldn't visit because I didn't like being snarled at - I did write to her quite often but never heard anything for years and she wouldn't talk to me on the phone either - and my sister read my notes to her telling her I would come and see her if she wanted to see me but I still ask myself where my sister's duty of care to our mother was because she (sister) never got in touch with me

 

So - yes - I do know and understand - I wonder who's mother was worse off themselves - it must be agony to visit when someone doesn't know you - and it is also agony when their dementia is agressive - there's no comparing - it's a very hard stage of life

 

I did visit one of my grandmother's in a nursing home for years - my father didn't but my uncles did - she had all her marbles until the end and I enjoyed going there and spending time with her when she would share her stories and wisdom - dementia is such a rotten thing to have to deal with and worse too for the family - I once heard a doctor telling one of his patients who was upset about her father - the family does have to endure it - the patient usually is the only one who doesn't know

 

I don't know if this helps

 

I care heaps

 

Dec

Re: Life can be a Pain

Thanks @Shaz51 💙💕💗💟

 

Dec

Re: Life can be a Pain

sitting with you my second mum @Dec  Heart

my mind is going a hundred miles an hour here , with so much to say

but firstly saying  yes to anniversaries are hard and how some anniversaries really stick in our minds , why , how and when is the big questions

and how certain things can trigger memberies,  like for me ( a certain flower , or a certain date or even a certain time )

like seeing a cat card -- reminds me of my great gran who sent me cat cards every year for my birthday

Re: Life can be a Pain

Thanks for the cuddly, hugging cat card @Shaz51  - I love those myself

 

You have a great deal going on atm - with your Mr Shaz and his kids and your Mother - no wonder your mind races - a bit of emotional overload I think

 

Thinking of you

 

Dec

 

Re: Life can be a Pain

@Dec . Thinking of you.  ❤

Re: Life can be a Pain

Hi @utopia @Shaz51 @BlueBay @outlander @Razzle @eth

 

It's Thursday - and the anniversary has passed and I had a bad day yesterday - a bad headache - I was okay for weeks and weeks before the bad day but it really caught up with me this week and this morning I woke up to the next problem that is something that has to be worked out and cannot be ignored

 

I am seeing my pain specialist next week - the last time I saw her was in January and she is new to the job - she wanted to change things and unfornately - in spite of my efforts - this didn't work and I am not feeling happy at all about seeing her again but it's necessary

 

The idea is to be firm - and luckily I have the support of my GP who has seen the painful results of my efforts. I have reduced my medication a great deal over the last years and I will continue to do so  nothing being changed and that I will do this of my own accord when I can - and not when someone else thinks  it's a good idea.

 

Which makes perfect sense to me

 

Changes are not working - I hope this young woman can see that - my GP says a new specialist has an idea that she has probably learned that after I have been on this medication for a long time I should be off them - but nothing has been done to improve the physical considition of my spine and I am puzzled as to why anyone would think it would be easier to manage when two MRIs taken many years apart show things to be deteriorating

 

And in the early days I had a lot of procedures that made things worse and I don't want to go back to that

 

I am not looking forward to going through this appointment - I never do but the previous specialists I have seen at the Pain Clinic have been supportive though I have always been nervous - never taken anything for granted - this worked out - this young woman is different. 

 

My opinion is that if something is working why change it

 

My GP is writing a letter to support me - that he has seen how much pain I am in when I take less medication

 

Dec - things have been tough enough this weekSmiley Sad

 

Re: Life can be a Pain

sending you lots of tender hugs my second mum @Dec HeartHeart

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