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ils
Casual Contributor

How easy it is to fall..

I joined the carers forum and here I am on the Lived Experience forum...only a few months back I felt that I was managing, juggle full time work, family, multi-tasking, not taking a breath, carrying whatever landed on me..I've been doing it for years..never think to slow down or stop. I'd been working long hours in an exhausting work environment at the best of time, handed new assignment, trying to close out others..they kept telling me don't worry you'll handle it (because I always do you see),, never say no...the more they said this the more I became fearful of not handling anything.. but I kept pushing through and not once did I stop..though I was exhausted.  At the same time one of my children was struggling, I tried but nothing I did was helping (which is why I joined the carers forum). I felt I was failing .. and so all these balls I thought I could  juggle fell out... I became anxious about everything, my heart raced day and night,I couldn't sleep - I felt badly overwhelmed... finally I called time out from work .. saw a doctor, I took a week out thinking all would be fine and jumped back in.. It was worse - I felt even more overwhelmed, emotional, paralyzed - I was forgetting things, I was meant to be leading people though I could hardly manage myself, I felt traumatised. People kept telling me I was doing ok  but I was not ok. I froze up and stopped communicating and my job is primarily to  communicate. I've stopped seeing family, my friends, I've cried a lot, have slept very little. I feel incapable of anything ...I've sought support from the GP & am now seeing a psychologist... I have taken time out again from work.... I am  trying to do everything my psychologist advises. taking walks, trying sleeping tablets to sleep, taking medication, trying to eat, meditating, practicing mindfulness, making lists, trying not to be hard on myself and to see the positives...spiraling out of control was so unexpected and easy...it's like I watched myself going through this but I wouldn't or couldn't make my mind shift back..I don't know why...so now I have the hard work to get better for myself and my family

2 REPLIES 2

Re: How easy it is to fall..

Hi @ils,

Welcome ot the forums!

Sounds like it has been a bit of an up and down and up and down again battle for you. I can't imagine the stress you would have felt at trying to help your child and not feeling like you were getting anywhere. What an overwhelming time indeed! It's really inspiring though to read all the hard work you are putting in now. 

We can all put a lot of pressure on ourselves around performing our best at work and then feeling guilty when we need to take care of our wellbeing - which shouldn't be the case. 

 

How has your workplace been for you - supportive? Sounds like your family are also around you through this which is good?

Re: How easy it is to fall..

Hi @Lauz

thank you for your supportive words....i am blessed to have a really caring  family .. workplace has been supportive - have taken time away. I never imagined it would be this hard..it feels like I am in a constant state of fear ..I am doing all the things I have been told will help me. I am pushing myself to talk and connect with friends even though I have such a strong urge to withdraw and not see anyone..

my daughter has been so supportive - she asked me to trust that she will work her way through things in time .. this is hope

thank you again for connecting 

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