19-11-2019 08:37 PM
when do you go on holidays xxx
20-11-2019 08:47 AM - edited 20-11-2019 08:50 AM
I agree @Faith-and-Hope @Smc @Maggie @Determined @outlander @Shaz51 @Sherry that there are instances where someone should be approached with caution, I guess I was just hopeful that although he may be very self focused and self serving that he isn't aggressive or abusive. Some people's NPD is quite harmless, they are draining and hard work to be around, but they are not abusive or manipulative & threatening.
An abusive person may or may not have a MI, and a MI may interplay with an abusive personality but it is in no way the sole driver. There is so much grey and the media and Google don't help.
I was reading an article how some people in Australia are trying to advocate to have coercive control criminalised like in the UK as a separate form of abuse you can go to jail for. I guess its something that is hard to define, but I think that technology would help keep a track of relationships like that.
I guess he could of swung both ways @Faith-and-Hope. I think that in a strange sort of way its a good thing that his true colours are on full display yelling as opposed to being sneaky and sickly sweet just until he finalises the separation the way he wants to. Maybe that's the gender differences in NPD, just like with B1 or B2 or Schizophrenia some people have insight into their condition, and some people don't, hence the covert N'st. But the rigidity of it seems to remain, some people just play the social world in a more nuanced way and other people like Mr Trump blurt out bizarre statements without any self awareness or insight what so ever.
Irregardless if it was an amicable separation or not, I personally could not see him. I know it is complicated with the cubs, but I would keep contact to a minimum. He may have chipped your self esteem more than you realise and railroad over the top of you if you aren't careful. Possibly if you have been living together under the same roof but separated you could move more quickly with the legal side of things, if that is what you want, maybe you want to slow it down. One thing is for sure I could not live with him, and I think it is much easier to avoid a NPD friend than it is a NPD spouse.
20-11-2019 09:04 AM
Right on so many counts @Corny . He was the former - high maintenance but agreeable over all - and has since become the latter.
Am keeping contact to an absolute minimum around the dragon babies, but true colours are definitely coming to the fore.
Taking baby steps and trying to maintain dignity and integrity from a distance.
20-11-2019 11:37 AM
Well @Faith-and-Hope , money brings out the real side in people, not another side.
All trust is broken then, if he's evolved into the latter, and the reasons for that don't even matter.
You probably can never trust him again, even if sentimentally for the sake of the story and all the time spent together sharing a life, you would like to.
You're wise @Faith-and-Hope to keep contact to an absolute minimum.
If you have to talk to him, talk to him in public at a coffee shop where he can't corner you or threaten you without on lookers witnessing the whole thing. It's sad it has come to this, but he has made his intentions very clear,
Hello Miss @Sherry always lovely to see the four legged friend picture come up! I hope you are well, and if you aren't, that you are horizontal on an Otter water bed sailing the high seas in the Caribbean coast somewhere
Corny on the Caribbean
23-11-2019 07:15 AM
I hope that your sleep has improved a little this week @Faith-and-Hope and that the confrontations with your ex have been kept to a minimum, if that is at all possible.
I am sure that you have fallen in a heap and need a weekend at home just pottering and being on your own to get your head straight. Hearing some rain on the roof would be lovely, we had a little bit last night but no where near enough.
24-11-2019 09:39 AM
How are your studies going?
24-11-2019 10:16 AM
I am heading overseas after that for a few weeks .... with most of the kids ..... on a trip that was pre-booked as a family holiday .... not that it’s actually a holiday anymore, but the money is already spent, so we are going 😤
It means that I can’t post on the forum while I am away tho 😔
Studies finished for me two weeks ago @Darcy, and I managed to get everything submitted on time - maybe not my best effort, but simply passing became the objective for all of us. One of the baby dragons made it through the semester too, by the skin of their teeth, but the other one didn’t ..... 😔. To their credit that one is planning to re-do the lost semester next year, and continue where they left off ❣️ ..... dragon courage on display right there ..... 👍
24-11-2019 10:50 AM
Great to read that you are chillin' at home @Faith-and-Hope. You need that.
It is all really raw right now, and as horrible as that is to endure, it puts you strides ahead of a lot of people in similar situations to you, that aren't able to change the gears from denial or fear of being alone and fear of change, into action. You acted pretty swiftly and to me that says you knew in your heart it was over & you wouldn't stand for it, and also that maybe after all these years you are now a very different person to the person he is.
I hope that you are able to enjoy the trip with the kids. Maybe it will be nice to have them all to yourself for a little while and you'll get more of a chance to have better conversations without the stress and strain of your ex being close by or in constant contact with someone in the family.
I am sorry about the kids studies, that must feel so unfair and anger you. It's no indication of their ability, you only have to be out in the work force a couple of years to meet brilliant minds that for whatever reason never make it to University. The way assessments are designed, especially when it comes to considering the neuro-diverse, they can really scare a lot of talented, versatile thinkers away. As for retaining students with mental illness and a history of interpersonal trauma.....they often don't.
Privilege is really only considered to be financial, and you do not flag on the system if you are not a recipient of government support, your struggles don't really exist a far as bureaucrats are concerned. There's still a lot of discrimination in tertiary education against people with disabilities, they do not even offer grad programs part-time or online and you often have to move to Canberra. A person with a disability moving away from all their support and medical team is quite laughable. The problem with disability advocacy is that they lump us all in together, when our needs, triggers & barriers to employment and completing education can be very different.
I think all of you guys need to get away.
I hope that your morning coffee is toasting and smelling divine!
If you need urgent assistance, see Need help now
For mental health information, guidance and referrals, see the SANE Help Centre
SANE Forums is published by SANE Australia with funding from the Australian Government Department of Health
SANE Australia ABN 92006533606
PO Box 226 South Melbourne 3205 Australia