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Depression Dementia Dad

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Senior Contributor

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@lapses

just read your last post on here. i admire you luv, and you come across such a strong person, and someone who loves her dad very much.

i resonated with what you said about it being hard but fulfilling. i care for my 73 year old mum, and yes there are times when it is very hard but i really value the time i get to spend with her. she is currently in a mental health facility for older people as her mental health was declining, one doc even said it could be onset of dementia but they are not sure. she had a uti so it could also be delirium from the uti or her mental health could be declining ... so many symptoms overlap so they have to rule one thing out at a time.

i feel for you as it sounds your family make things harder for you. i have an older sister who doesnt play any part in caring for mum. it makes it harder for me in the sense that i dont have her support but because i handle everything, she cant make things harder for me in the sense of handling certain things and then i need to go and deal with them. i hope that makes sense!?!

i love that little song your dad sang to you. that would have put a big smile on your face!

xx

Senior Contributor

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

I'm so upset atm 😭

Just took dad to see dr re rash etc & the dr was real upset because my Bro2 had been in there unannounced, never been before, and questioned dr about my capacity to care for dad and apparently Bro2 abused the dr for stating he was happy that dad is well cared for. But not only that, apparently Bro2 has since filed a formal complaint about dads dr to the medical board (or so) & this has angered dad's doctor.

When i entered dad's dr's room (with dad in a wheelchair) to get the results of dad's X-Rays & have this bad rash looked, the dr's body language was that of 'ready for battle' Smiley Sad  and before sitting down he asked me "do you have a brother Lloyd?...."

OMyGoodness, i apologised for my brothers who are not coping with losing mum... ... But clearly the dr was not his usual sharp thinking happy man i have grown to like. Bro3 definately poison.

But also, i feel pressured,  dads gerontologist & this gp are pressuring me to apply for guardianship of dad. But i'm scared of the can of worms it would open with the siblings again.  I'm scared of my stress levels,  the ruthless cold legal processes,  always standing alone,  and scared i'll crack / have another breakdown or stroke...  I feel overloaded as is. But who else can. 

oh crap!  getting a migraine now, grr! 

And i'm worried about dad tjishwerk too,i this rash, and his bsl was 17.4 tonight & yesterday he sent the physio away refusing to do it, probably 'cause they changed his usual male attendent dad liked to a migit woman Smiley Sad  Far out!  When will they realise ppl with memory loss & depression...  they need continuity. 


IMG_20170604_152805.png 

@ Dec @ Faith-and-Hope @ Apple @ Darcy  @ Anyone

Senior Contributor

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Thank you @Bella1978, need support. Oh how i coyld walk away tonight
Senior Contributor

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@lapses ...
Senior Contributor

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@lapses

firstly im sending you big hugs. im so sorry to hear about your day. you have enough on your plate taking care of your dad without your siblings adding to things.

applying for guardianship for your dad sounds like it would be a good idea. i can understand why you are hesitant though. im assuming that once its done, you will have full control over what happens. i wish your family would make things easier for you.

as for your brother filing a complaint against the doctor, do you think he would have valid reasons for it to be looked into?

how are you feeling now? how is your dad?

Community Guide

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Hearing you and feeling for you @lapses ......

Have issues of my own going on here tonight so I can’t stay .....

Big hugs 💜
Senior Contributor

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@lapses

Keep breathing, this also will end. Life just throws these things at you but you must believe in yourself Cat Happy

The Doctor involved has enough evidence to show the Medical Board you clearly have your dad's best interest at heart. 

Try not to bite into your brother's drama, you know better and your dad knows it too.

Lovely he sang for you the other day.

Hang in there.

Grasshopper3

Heart

Senior Contributor

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@lapses
Community Elder

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

I also read that post before last which did concern me. @lapses It is often very hard to keep going and being there for your dad and trying to get your family together seems so difficult.  I hope you are still in this world for long time as you have a lot to give, and the world needs givers.

I am glad you accept your care-giver role. Stanley_Spencer_-_The_Resurrection-_Tidying__1945.jpeg

Stanley Spencer is an English artist ... The Resurrection of Tidying.

Hope you like this pic.

I am sorry that doc had to deal with your bro being toxic, but maybe it will be some proof of the family difficulties.  

Loneliness is hard. 

You do have a lot of strength @lapses.  

Sorry you dont get the support you want all the time.  I know that feeling well.

Glad to see a lot of people appreciating you on this thread.

Heart

Dec
Senior Contributor

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Oh goll-ee @lapses

 

Most of your sibs are the pits and B2 is into nastiness - or that's how it comes over - I understand that this is hard for you and confronting your sibs is going to be a very scary and on-going issues

 

You have us - we can support you at times when other people in your life are unavailable - and also - having a court order to care for your Dad gives you real power but -

 

I also know what a control freak your sister is - I am like - not scared of my version of TS but her bitchiness is something I don't understand and she is impossible to discuss anything with because she already has her opinion on everything and my mind just doesn't go there

 

So you have TS and Bros 2 & 3 are seriously MI and your other brothers are the one with MS and the baby brother - and I think that you have some support there so let's hope you can get to talk to them and sort out some back up with the other sibs turn up with whatever they have to battle with

 

I have every faith that you are caring for your Dad from love and left alone with it will manage well while you sort out your bad back and other health issues - I have the feeling your Bro2 and Bro3 wander in and out when they feel like it and interfer with things and you are living and working there atm and need some privacy without them

 

This is so hard Lapses - I wish I had come in earlier but I went to sleep watching TV

 

Sending more hugs - it would be great if your Dad could live out the last days/weeks/years of his life in peace - grumpy old man or not - he has not had a peaceful life

 

I think your sibs are jealous of you - why I do not know - they don't want to do the hard work of caring for Dad 

 

Thinking of you Lapses - sending hugs

 

Dec

 

bears hugging.jpg

 

I'm sorry about that migraine LapsesHeart