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Casual Contributor

Boyfriend just seemed to switch off from relationship

Hi All

I'm new to this site.  I wonder if anyone can offer me some advice as I'm feeling very lost.  I suffer from anxiety but I've been medication free for about a year and I had been coping quite well ... I'm a single mum to two daughters ages 13 and 15.  They're good kids ... I can't complain.  I'm self employed as a real estate agent.

 

Last November I met a really lovely man - age 60 (I'm 52).  He really chased me and seemed very ready for a relationship even though he had been single for 18 years.  He's a very talented musician. He provided entertainment at a work Christmas function - I asked him at the time if he was available to perform at a party I was putting on ... he wasn't but he asked me to text him my phone number in case he had a cancellation. I naively did as he asked. About a week or so later, I received a text message from him and we began communicating. Text messages turned to phone calls and then a meeting. He seemed like a good guy and I liked him.

We dated for 3 months and he made me feel mostly wonderful. I did notice that he had a bit of a temper at times and could snap for no reasons but I seemed to handle those moods. Initially, he seemed to get by on very little sleep and just wanted to keep doing stuff and seemed to almost "bounce off walls". He was a lot of fun and he was caring and loving. He did tell me very quickly that he loved me but I felt safe with him and I responded favourably. He had a big ego but I thought that came part and parcel of being a musician. He would tell me about all the girls that were chasing him (although recently he told me there's no girls chasing him). 

On our 3rd month anniversary, everything changed. We had a few words ... nothing major ... and he decided he couldn't be with me anymore and he up and left. For the last 3 weeks, we've seen each other off and on and I thought that maybe we were going to be able to get things back on track but he has decided that he no longer feels for me the same sort of love that he had and he no longer wants to be in a relationship with me.

I don't know if this guy is bipolar but I expect he is. I think that maybe when I met him he was in a mania state which explains his hyper activity and need for our relationship to work (we were going to grow old together, we had to make things work as there were kids involved (my kids ages 13 and 15) and it went on and on. I bought into the dream. I thought he was the one. Up until the moment he broke up with me, I had no reason to believe that he would end things.

From what I've read, this seems a common occurrence with bipolar type people. I'm not sure why he decided to give relationships a go after all this time as he clearly has major issues with them. Why are they like this? Whilst I expect he's manic now (low), he doesn't appear depressed, however, he seems certain that he wants nothing further to do with me from a romantic level. I am gutted and I don't get it. He won't talk about it and when I text him trying to seek answers, he closes down even more.

Whilst in the relationship, my then boyfriend displayed some other curious symptoms ... he would fall sleep whilst in conversation with people ... just fall asleep while they'd be talking. He would also dream a lot and would speak about "monsters" watching him in his sleep ... they were always there apparently. He would often talk in his sleep. He also had a knack for saying inappropriate things at time which would throw me. His stories would change from each person to each person or even to the same person ... he never told the same story in the same way and I question just how many of his stories were true. Is this a normal part of being bipolar? 

I am totally confused and hope that someone can give me further insight as I'm at a loss as I really did like this person.  I am not acquainted with bipolar but I wonder whether anyone resonates with my story and can shine a light on things for me.  I'm not sure if this is the right place to post or if I'm even on the right sort of site but I'm a bit desperate for answers and I feel all those old anxious feelings rearing their head.

13 REPLIES 13
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Re: Boyfriend just seemed to switch off from relationship

@SchnauzieGirl he sounds like a *NARCISSIST !! Research *LOVEBOMBING & *DISCARD PHASE of narcissistic abuse- if u are not familiar- sounds exactly like this to me
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Re: Boyfriend just seemed to switch off from relationship

@SchnauzieGirl  bipolar or Narcissist sounds like you are better off without him with you have two young teenagers. Who needs that kind of crap.

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Re: Boyfriend just seemed to switch off from relationship

Hey @SchnauzieGirl  it sounds as though this relationship really rocked you around. It's pretty hard sometimes when other people do the unexpected and seem to just go all in with a relationship and then it's like a switch is just turned off so fast. This has the potential to devastate the other person too.

We can't really advise on whether people have a mental illness, or label people when there are so many unknowns. Sometimes labelling or reducing people down to simple things can be helpful to make sense of things, but it has the potential to pidgeonhole others as well. Many people with mental health problems or diagnoses also don't behave this way.

 

What kind of support are you getting during this tough time? I hope that navigating this event is possible, it may be cold comfort, but I hope that maybe you can turn your thoughts and attention away from him and towards yourself.....

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Re: Boyfriend just seemed to switch off from relationship

Thank you for your response.  Yes, it did rock me around.  I feel incredibly sad.  I thought that people worked at relationships.  Things were mostly good.  People say I've probably dodged a bullet, etc, but he was a good guy .. he definitely has some issues but he did treat me well.

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Re: Boyfriend just seemed to switch off from relationship

I know you're right.  I do have to be careful.

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Re: Boyfriend just seemed to switch off from relationship

I read this information, as suggested by you.  I don't think he's as bad as all that although he does have some narcissitic tendancies.  I think there's so much going on.  I've found out only yesterday that he tells incredible lies.  All the things he told me about himself are in conflict with what other people have told me.  It just doesn't make any sense at all.  I think he's told so many lies he can't remember who he said what to.  Definitely something neurological going on.

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Re: Boyfriend just seemed to switch off from relationship

Hi @SchnauzieGirl

 

Looks like doing some reading into this has helped a bit but doesnt help that there is conflicting things happening or being told to you. Are you still connecting with him?

I also wondered if this thread could be more suited to our Carers side of the forum? You can still be in both areas of course! Your post will just get seen a bit more by others that have experiences of loved ones, or impacts of others in their lives living with mental health issues. Would this be okay with you?

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Re: Boyfriend just seemed to switch off from relationship

Hello Lauz

 

Do I copy and past the post into the Carer's side of the forum or is that something that you can do?

 

He has blocked me at this stage so I'm not connecting with him.  I've dropped around to his place a couple of times this week but he's adamant he doesn't want to see me at this stage.  When I saw him the other day, his eyes were wild and he seemed aggitated ... I haven't seen him before like that.   I did put a positive comment on his Facebook music site on Saturday to which he responded "thank you" today but that's about the only communication that we've had.  When I saw him the other night, he said that he felt like leaving the town where we are just to get away from me.  I don't even know what I've done that was so horrible.  It breaks my heart in two.  We were doing well as a couple (even though there was a bit of weird stuff from his side) but he just seemed to freak and then he was gone.  Incredibly sad.

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Re: Boyfriend just seemed to switch off from relationship

Hi @SchnauzieGirl,

 

I have moved this over to the Carers side for you 👍🏼

 

Gosh that must have been hard to have him say that to you! I can imagine it is disappointing. What are you doing to help take care of yourself when upsetting things are being said?

 

Hopefully others that have had some experience with relationships and obstacles will pop in with some insights. 

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