Lived Experience Forum

[TAB]

Roads blocked ie not allowed to use @MDT all good no one seems bothered

[TAB]

Meant stuck at work was supposed to go home tomorrow morning lol @MDT

[MDT]

ah okay @TAB
you have a place to stay?

[TAB]

Yes, camp. Was always going to stay tonight but looking like will be here longer as Nightshift people couldn’t get here @MDT

[MDT]

Utterly terrible atm.
Need a sleep. Early wake up turned me into something terrible. Probably won't go out tonight though. Not enough money

[MDT]

So I had a bit of a sleep/meditation.

The one thing I realised was that I'm pressuring myself into going out tonight. Why? Because I keep telling myself I have to. Why? Just because "I should". This isn't a reason. I realised I'm pressing myself into going because of some form of urgency. But with my mind so focused on trying to "do things" I am losing track of myself.

I had to remind myself that these things are still there. It's not going anywhere. The reason I don't want to go tonight? I don't want to. That's all. Plus I have very little money to spend. This past two weeks have been exhausting me of all energy. I am hosting my own thing next weekend anyway sort of. Again, I must ease into all of this.

Anyway.

@Shaz51 @Zoe7 @Sam3 @TAB @outlander @eudemonism @BryanaCamp @Faith-and-Hope

[MDT]

Constantly throwing myself under the bus like that isn't helping. And making decisions about things, thinking thoughts about myself and saying things when I'm in that space isn't helping either

[Zoe7]

You have been pushing yourself to achieve @MDT and that can become exhausting. Give yourself a break buddy - you don't need to be constantly doing things to feel like your life is fulfilled - sometimes the finding of peace within yoursrlf is sitting back and just being.

[Sam3]

I’m hearing ya, bro - ditto! @MDT I wish I could delete any thoughts about myself then wow I’d be a new better person. I think my doctor thinks it might be obsessional thinking not just part of depression but either way I want it gone!!! 

You might be putting pressure on yourself partly due to learned patterns from childhood, school, your parents perhaps so maybe you can resist it! 

[MDT]

Indeed @Zoe7
I see my pdoc Monday and psych Wednesday. Can raise it at both.
But yes, right now it's a case of being stable "within myself" if that's making sense?
Recalibrate etc.

Even just changing the language around how I view myself is essential. Rather than "I should be doing this atm" I challenge it with better ways to motivate myself.

I agree @Sam3 about childhood and school etc. Train g my brain according to what needs to be done etc.

I am okay atm. I am safe and eager to fix the situation and this is all that I have to worry about.

Just rest in that fact