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Worthless

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Worthless

I don't even know where to start, I'm on the edge everyday I am constantly feeling like I mean nothing to everyone, I have two little kids and I feel like I am failing them. I want to be there for them in life and to raise them well but I don't want to be here anymore. I wake up every day and I am just so miserable nothing is going right I'm struggling financially as well. I'm only just getting by supporting my whole family losing my mother at a young age as well hasn't been easy on me. I just wish I could be with her if I didn't have kids I would be by now but there is only so much I can put myself through even this is a big step for me to open up and express my feelings. I have been a closed book my whole life and I guess it's just gotten to much for me to keep to myself, "friends" never wanna talk to me my so called family never visit or even talk to me about anything like what's the point anymore
4 REPLIES
Senior Contributor

Re: Worthless

Hi Worthless (cant say I like calling you that because you are not)

Raising children can be a task that doesnt feel productive yet it is the gold in production. I recall in 1996 when my marriage dissolved and I restarted life in a small caravan. Each day I'd look in the mirror and say out loud "you are a good person, you deserve to be happy, you are a good dad...dont anyone say otherwise to you"

After 3 months of doing that I felt amazingly confident. I created my own confidence. It isnt easy. Financial issues can bring you down. Facing facts though is the way to approach this. You cant fix financial issues without the money to pay the bills. So worrying about it is fruitless and will cause depression. Sit back and do your best and that is all you can do.

Back to my separation. I built my own home. While I was doing so I was spurred on by my children, then 8 and 5yo girls. I would finish that house for my girls. Their room will overlook a fairy garden and have fairy curtains. I will succeed...and I did. While I built my home I couldnt have my kids overnight. Eventually I had them for their first night and it was so memorable.

There is a saying that "you make your own luck". Yes thats true, but with mental illness even temporary it can seem otherwise.

As hard as it seems, while alone take out a pen and revamp your budget. Be strict and you WILL succeed. Things might take a few weeks to improve but it WILL happen.

Pat yourself on the back and be proud.

WK

 

Community Elder

Re: Worthless

Hello Original Poster

Being alive and having kids is tough.  I wont call you worthless.  I have felt that way, you may feel that way, but I am sure you have many good qualities.  It is hard to get perspective on our own importance.

tulipspoppies1.jpg

It makes sense to be a bit of a closed book when a parent has died before you were able to open up and learn give and take in relationships.  I have also wanted to join my departed family members, but the call and needs of the young trump that.

Take Care

Senior Contributor

Re: Worthless

Hello @An24 I feel for you. It's crushing when you work so hard and get so little support. You are doing a very hard job in supporting your family and caring for your kids. That is actually worth so much. But more than that, you are a valuable person regardless of what you do. I truly believe that. The forum has provided a lot of support for me. It's a safe place to open up. 

Do you have a good GP, or any professional support?

It took me a long time after a series of incredibly hard life events to see myself as worthy of care. You deserve care, just like your kids do. Start small. For me, a cup of tea, or a little walk at lunch time can ease the weight of things a little. Self care is really important.

People on the forums care and understand. If you want to reply or include particular people in a conversation, use the @ symbol and their forum name. Take care, frog.

Casual Contributor

Re: Worthless

Your children are a reason for living. They would be devastated without you. In time you will find more reasons - including you. You deserve to live a full life with many happy moments. If your "friends" are not coming up to scratch, maybe this is the time to make new ones. Family are sometimes not the best support - look at Meghan Markle! Your Mum would be proud of you as you take these first steps to engaging more fully in life