Battles

[Dreamy]

@AuntGlow it just hurts so much when i try so hard to just have connections. I'm grateful to have this space here don't get me wrong but in the real world I have nothing. I have tears streaming down my face again, things are spiralling so fast and I'm tired of having to go through it. I'm not just exhausted in the sense of not having enough sleep, my whole body and mind is exhausted, my soul is exhausted, I feel like i have nothing left to give. I feel so empty and numb inside but yet I feel so much emotion and pain. I'm not even sure if any of this makes sense, I'm sorry if it doesn't. (Again I'm safe). 

I'm really not sure how to challenge it right now. I wouldn't even know where to start. 

If we do work on a safety plan now, can we just do it bit by bit please? 

[Dreamy]

Thankyou @NightFury my sweet ❤️.

[AuntGlow]

I understand, lovely. And I have felt this way many times before. I am glad you're allowing yourself to feel. Has this allowed for a bit of release? @Dreamy 

All of what you have shared makes sense... SO much sense. 💖

And yes, we can take it slow. Maybe we can work on what specific area tonight. Which would you like to focus on? 

[Dreamy]

@AuntGlow it's not even giving me any release, everything just feels too much inside. 

I'm not sure where to start, my head is just an absolute mess and I can't even think what's on a safety plan right now. 

I'm just going to tap out for the night, I'm sorry. I just don't feel like I deserve to be here right now or that I belong anywhere. (I'm safe).

Maybe we can try again tomorrow if you are around. I'm in bed and I'm going to curl up with Casper and call it a day. 

[AuntGlow]

Aw lovely, you absolutely belong here! However, I am sensing some slowing down and coming back to grounding would be helpful. @Dreamy 

Curling up with Casper sounds perfect. Will you watch a movie or do some colouring? 

Oh, and do you have a coffee? I am making a cheeky one now. 

[Dreamy]

@AuntGlow maybe you're right that I need to slow things down but how I don't know. I have my colouring next to me but I look at it and cry. I have an iced coffee next to me and I haven't even touched it. I don't know what's wrong with me 😞. (I'm safe). 

I'm tapping out cos I can recognise that I'm struggling to post safely and definitely not with recovery focus in mind. I don't want to risk getting in trouble and losing the only space I have to connect with people. 

[AuntGlow]

Maybe you're allowed to feel what you're feeling right now @Dreamy? Maybe there is no rhyme or reason, other than your body is experiencing a feeling that is asking to be met with love and compassion? Could curling up with a blanket and Casper create this space for you tonight? 🫶

I will be heading off now, but I will be back to check-in tomorrow. 

Oh, also - you mentioned that sometimes supporting others helps you. So maybe you could explore that if you have the space? 

[Chasingsunsets]

@Dreamy, since @AuntGlow mentioned about supporting others helps you, no joke I had this quote, found it yesterday or earlier today can’t remember, sometimes I decide not to post when I go back through my screenshots as “it just doesn’t fit” anymore and look! I found it’s spot 💜

I hope to throw some rainbows at cha from time to time my friend 🌈🌈. Thank-you for all the 🌈🌈 I have received from you in return, always so grateful for our chats 🙏

 

Hope to chat later today if you'll be around. I’m off now for a couple of days 💛

[NightFury]

Checking in on you this morning @Dreamy 

[Dreamy]

Morning @NightFury my sweet, thankyou for checking in. I'm here and that's as good as it gets right now. (I'm safe). 

How are you feeling sweet?