Long term relationship going stale

[Anon281]

I’ve been in a long term relationship for 10 years and have two beautiful little boys with this person (4 year old and 10 month old). I care for my partner deeply. My family is my entire world. But lately I feel a shift in me. My partner and I rarely have sex or physical interaction. When we have engaged in intimacy, it’s only because I’ve initiated it. I feel undesirable and lack self confidence. We live in a remote town and neither of us really have any friends so we live in each others pockets- for years we’ve been this way. I am becoming bored with the repetitive conversations and routine. The lack of appreciation and affection is making me fantasise about other people- even though I am very much in love with my partner and would never want to break up our little family. I’m just miserable. I’ve tried talking to him about all this stuff a few times and it never ends well. So feeling a little bit out of sorts and conflicted within myself and my future. He is talking to a therapist (non sexual related) to help him cope with day to day stresses (mostly about anxieties around our kids and home life). I understand that he is tired. I am too. But he’ll chose solitary confinement in his own space (doing his own thing) instead of coming to bed with me- being affectionate… 

I feel incredibly lonely and sad. 

[Alfredo1]

I to know this feeling me and my partner are 15yrs in with 2 Young girls 8/10. Our intimacy is cold to say the least and has been for a few years now. The only time we are intimate is when I ask, even then it's rare she goes with it and second when we do she makes no effort what so ever. It's very upsetting because I am extremely affectionate. Years ago I also started having the same thoughts of fantasising about other people that even got to the point after some time I found myself getting on dating sites, although I never went through with anything it's something I deeply regret doing. Now she uses it as an excuse for not wanting to be intimate with me. I don't blame her as it would hurt if someone done that to me also.

[Anon281]

I totally understand about the feeling guilty part. You’re not a bad person, neither am I. But what are you supposed to do in these situations? Life just continues as normal and that’s fine, but it does feel like something important is missing. I just keep waiting for it to change and focusing on my own mental health and wellbeing in what I can control in my life. I am sorry that you are also feeling this way in your relationship. It’s tough.