06-08-2019 06:48 PM
Hey there @Georgie_Girl
Welcome to the SANE forum. I am Whitehawk the forum moderator this evening. Well done for reaching out on the forum about the struggles of your daily life. May it get easier before too long. I am sure you will find the forum members supportive and helpful. If you need assistance with using the forum please check the guidelines or reach out to the moderators who are always on duty.
every success with you forum use,
06-08-2019 08:35 PM
Hi @Georgie_Girl ,
I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. It is hard going.
Kudos to your partner for going on meds. And to you for supporting.
Is this a new diagnosis?
Do you have family or other support?
My heart goes out to you. I’m a praying person and I am/will be praying for you.
Sometimes it’s one hard day/hour after another. I hope you get some times of peace in there too.
06-08-2019 08:47 PM
Yea, it’s a new diagnosis. He has struggled with his mental health for many years. Was treated for depression with no response. It has taken a suicide attempt, and me taking the kids and leaving him for a few weeks for him to seek treatment. I have seen some improvement- and am really hoping it’s not just him pretending to be feeling better. We’ve been back for a week now, and things have been ok.
I know he struggles, and I do love him...it’s just hard sometimes to be someone’s emotional punching bag. He knows how much he upsets me - but can’t seem to stop.
Does anyone have any advice for dealing with this?
06-08-2019 08:53 PM
Hi @Shaz51 ,
Thanks for asking how I’m going, I realise I missed a couple of other people so kindly asking me before. I’m sorry for not replying.
Things get better then worse. Things were better today overall so I’m enjoying that. I think that now we are not living under the turbulence of unstable moods I have some of my own stuff to deal with (anxiety, ADHD)...but also I think there is a lot of grief with what has been lost. The medication that is meaning my husband can work and support our family means his face is nowhere near as expressive. And sorry if this is TMI but it has been terrible for our sex life - and not just that itself, but loving looks/warmth of that kind. It sure helped us through a lot of hard times in the past. It is worth it but its hard. We hope maybe he will be able to go off it and try something different after a year or two. We can’t consider him doing that without a long period of annual leave and permanent (instead of contract) employment.
I am seeing a psychologist, saw an old mentor and am trying to find me in all this. And to feel stronger about my thoughts and opinions. As much as I have had leanings this way (to poor self regard) in the past, I think that 10 years married to a (wonderful) man with unstable mood with all that comes with that is not exactly encouraging a solid sense of self.
So, I guess I’m doing ok.
06-08-2019 11:06 PM
Gosh that is full on!
Good on you for having the courage to give him some time to think. It can be very difficult to live with someone who is aware and trying to get better, but much harder without their having insight.
About medication - if it’s not working properly then keep pursuing more help (it can be painfully slow when some meds take so long to see if they work). Bipolar depression is incredibly difficult to treat. If you are anything like me you might start to think things like ‘maybe meds won’t work’ or ‘maybe I’m being too fussy hoping for him to be more than a little better.’ Meds are so hard to get the right combo. Encourage your hubby. It’s so discouraging for the person themselves and they can start to wonder ‘is it just me and who i am’. Especially because (this was something helpful I learnt from my husband’s not great hospital psychiatrist earlier this year) bipolar sits on top of an individual’s personality, so it will look different for each person. For instance one of my husband’s strong traits is perfectionism. This is the best ‘flaw’ people like to share, right? He does have others like being irritable and angry etc, but a trait like perfectionism was what his anxious thoughts centred on when he was in hospital and difficulty with changes has meant things like dents in the car and suicidal thoughts because we took a single night away for our 10th anniversary.
So if bipolar is coming out in ways that are exaggerations of existing struggles/parts of him, it’s pretty easy to start feeling like ‘it’s just who I am’. I found it helpful to know this about my husband and his illness, it helped me make sense of a whole lot of what had been confusing me, even though I had been convinced there was some serious illness going on here!
There is a brilliant book that helped me so much called ‘When Someone You Love Has Bipolar’ by Cynthia Last. She’s a psychologist who has bipolar 2, she’s amazing, I have read and reread this book so many times!
Is your husband’s dr a good one? Do you feel you can trust him/her?
How old are your kids? How do they cope with the difficulties?
07-08-2019 04:45 PM
I am a step mum of 4 adult children now
About medication, we can`t say the name of the medication , but my husband has had a lot of diagnosis and he was put on anti depressiate which never really helped him and attemped twice and then had a break down and was put in hospital which then they put him on anti anxiety meds as well as new anti depressant
we still have lots of ups and downs everyday
@Darcy has a partner with bipolar 11
07-08-2019 08:30 PM
Just was reading your post about hubby’s ups and downs. Wow you have been in it for the long haul, sounds like things better than they have been. 4 grown step-kids is amazing. I know some mums say ‘just soak up every minute’ and it’s true that I love the beautiful moments, I am one of those people who really love kids...but I will breathe such a sigh of relief to have seen them get through to adulthood! I feel admiration for mums who have done this!
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