12-11-2019 09:42 PM
That's pretty awesome @Shaz51 and great to read
My daughter took on 3 boys when she got married and my grand-daughter was born a few months later - she went in at the deep end too - and did well
You do so much shaz and you are awesome
13-11-2019 06:09 AM
13-11-2019 06:12 AM
13-11-2019 10:43 AM
It was an interesting discussion and helpful too - hearing what other people had to add and how adopting or taking on step-children is a hard step - but worth it
Also other people who have had premature babies - it's a tough start for the baby but rough on the mother too
And there were other people whose husbands/partners disconnected in some way - my then-h couldn't bond with our son who he had wanted so much - this causes heartache but it happens - sadly
And of course - how we face the isolation being a new parent faces - something that is entirely unexpected - in my mother's generation grandmothers were often - not always - there to help - live-in help in my mother's case
So - children are a blessing but they come with challenges and we are not alone - just back in my time and for many others - we didn't have the phone for our first - let alone the internet - what a great thing social media is
And for @CrazyTiger up there in the fires - I hope things are easier today - I'm thinking of everyone up there in NSW and Queensland. I hope you are safe
13-11-2019 11:28 AM
You've had tough stuff co-parenting - wow - 3 children and difficult or impossible father as well - you are better off out of it for the childrens' sake but it's hard
I left my ex when my daughter was in Primary School - she whined and whined to go home and it's not the thing to talk about these things with a 7 yo - so I went back - for better or worse - recently I discussed this with her - she didn't understand why that happened but she wasn't bothered when her father and I divorced after she had turned 18. I was employed then and I had saved up enough to start on my own which made it better for me too - but those extra years served for the "sake of the children" was really difficult
You have so much on your plate - I hear you CheerBear
16-11-2019 03:51 PM
16-11-2019 07:38 PM
Hi everyone here @Shaz51 @CheerBear @Dec @CrazyTiger @Teej I've been quiet since Tuesday just coz I've been very busy. Following along here but don't really have any advice that's relevant so far. My child's father and I separated the week she was born so my child didn't go through the whole separation event. By the time they were at school my child used to say they were lucky to have 2 homes. He and I lived near each other so he had overnight access visits from day one that I brought her home from hospital.
If anyone has any questions after reading my story on Topic Tuesday feel free to ask them. The gist of it was about raising a child with disabilities as a single mother with mental health issues.
17-11-2019 04:18 PM
Thanks for sharing your story @eth - hearing a different story helps me - for so long I really felt alone with my troubled son - I had to continue living with my ex-h after things were breaking down between us because I couldn't manage the situation on my own
So my son had died before we separated for the third time - I guess a separation will work when the time is right - I had a lot of resentment for a long time - my ex had very little to say and wasn't reliable and the rest of the world had plenty to say and interferred -
You had no choice but to go it alone with your daughter - I can see that - I can't imagine how that was for you - having such an early birth and a child with physica issues would be challlenging - during childhood the medical profession was telling us that my son was hard to handle - with ADHD but I was pretty ignorant of the whole deal
So it's wonderful to hear that your daughter had a good relationship with her father - my daughter thought she did but after I was out of the situation she found differently - and my grand-daughter doesn't seem to know her grandfather which really saddens me
So I stayed because of the children - and I have never been lonely as I was when I was married and I really worked hard to make the marriage work - in the end just for my daughter -
I haven't spoken to my ex for over 20 years - I am over it now but for years it really hurt
How do you get on with your ex now?
Also - I hear you being the single parent of a child with disabilities and having mental health issues yourself would be incredibily difficult
Thanks again Eth - I triggered myself duing the time we were posting but I am over that now - I really had not had such a discussion with other parents before and I felt good about sharing now
17-11-2019 05:47 PM
Hi @Dec I'm glad to hear you are feeling better than you did the other night. I was really stirred up afterwards too. I rarely tell that part of my story these days either. The discussion went so quickly and there was very little feedback from the facilitators in my opinion.
Re my child's father - my child is 31 now and I really don't have anything to do with him at all. He was at their wedding of course (8 years ago) - we got through that without incident and even did the parent's dance together with her. Then on my recent trip to visit my child and grandchildren he was leaving as I arrived and caught me totally unawares with a kiss on the cheek. After he'd gone all I could think was 'well that was odd'.
I've seen 'staying together for the children' from the child's perspective and it wasn't pretty in our case. DV occurred regularly. My mother ended up leaving my father after we were grown and seeing it as an adult now I know we would all have been better off if they'd separated earlier. But every situation is different. How brave and strong of you to have persevered in the circumstances.
17-11-2019 06:21 PM
My 17 year old son and I had a fight. He went to my mums house. Then he decided to live with her. He's been gone about 4 or 5 months.
I miss him. I still see and talk to him but not often.
I actually feel peaceful at home without him. There are no arguments. There's no wet towels or clothes on the floor. There aren't 6 cups used for just that day.
I don't have to cook if I don't want to. I'm pretty much free to do whatever I want, whenever.
I've been a single parent to him since he was 2 &1/2 years old.
I think I should feel guilty for feeling like this but I don't.
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