Lived Experience Forum

[Scribbles]

Hi all, I'm a single mum to a 2 year old. His father is not in his life at all (by my choice) because of domestic violence, drugs, no job, and just all round a really bad dude! I've kept him off the birth certificate and he has only met our son once about a year ago when I was considering if he could actually be a father. But he hadn't changed at all.

ANYWAY so my question is... how do I answer / explain to my son about where his dad is? I do think that age-appropriate honesty is the way to go but wanted to reach out for any advice from others?

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Scribbles and welcome to the forums.

I am undergoing a marital separation at the moment, however my kids are all adult now, so completely different scenario here.

Hopefully someone else will be along soon with a more helpful answer to your question.

I am glad you are taking good care of you and your little one ..... 🌷

[Teej]

Hi @Scribbles I’m not too sure about this. I was separated when mine were 5,4,3 and 8 months old. I’m not sure what to say but I think a version of the truth is probably ok. In my situation my ex left me for someone else. He was in their lives once or twice a year as he lives in a different state. I didn’t really ever tell them why we separated until they were mid teenagers. I would just say that we chose not to live together anymore when they were little. 

The hardest thing with mine is that when they started school and kindy with two of mine was they realised other kids lived with their dad too, there were hardly any single parents at their school at the time. It didn’t affect them too much at the time, it was probably me stressing about them hurting more than they actually were. Toddlers are pretty ok with  having a simple version that you can expand on over the years as needed. 

My personal opinion is that it’s worth considering that one day their father may get his life together and want to be a responsible father.......and I get that this seems unlikely. I write this knowing of someone who did. If you keep it simple it might be easier for you in future years. 

There is also a parent helpline that I used a few times to work out the best way to deal with a tricky situation with a step dad years later. I think every state has one if you look up parent helpline. A social worker rang me back to talk through it. At the time it was really helpful for me. 

Good luck 😊

[CrazyTiger]

@CheerBear thanks for the email. I unfortunately missed this one. Dealing with my kid, my anxiety and the threat of bushfires at the moment. It has all become too much. Hope you are going well. 

[Shaz51]

hello @CrazyTiger , take care my friend

we are here for you xx

Hello @CheerBear , @Teej , @Faith-and-Hope , @Scribbles 

[CrazyTiger]

Thankyou @Shaz51.

[Shaz51]

Hello @Jane06 , @eth , @Owlunar , @frog , @greenpea , @Determined , @cutiepiekitty 

[Owlunar]

Hey @Shaz51 

You said you still don't feel good enough and you took on 4 step-children - that must have been a really hard task and I can't imagine. It must be really hard that you feel that you are not good enough when you are a person who takes on so much

Dec

[Owlunar]

Hi @CrazyTiger 

All the best in those fires - that must be crazy anxiety and a really stressful time

I hope you and your kid are safe - I heard that a front had come through earlier - I hope it's bringing some rain as well

Dec

[Shaz51]

It was @Owlunar  xx

But over the years and knowing the children love me in their own way is soo awesome

For my step S3 and step S1 to call me mum is awww xx

And my step D1, saying that she is soo happy that her dad met me xx