Looking after ourselves
18-03-2020 01:49 PM
My husband has Ptsd, my husband has emotional limits.
He met me the same time he was diagnosed, he used to say I made thing better for him. He proposed 9 months later. He has 3 bratty kids and I have two needy kids. We were both excited to blend our family depsite his illness. It wasnt an obsticle in our eyes.
His ptsd got worse as he was faced with a force retirement from work ( police work )
He went into deep depression a week after we got married. He felt our blended family of 7 was too much pressure and he wanted to commit suicide.
We went to hospital for a month and came back with the solution he needs to move out to simply his daily life and focus on his recovery. He has reasured me he still loves me and wants a life with us but doesnt know if he can ever return to such a chaotic household, or how long it will take to recover on his own. He does have some hope though that he will return after a short time alone.
I have always accepted his diagnosis but I struggle with his symptoms of avoidance and withdrawals. I feel hurt he married me and wanted something that now he thinks is not good for him.
I need a lot of reassurance to support his method of recovery. I do get reassurance most of the time with affection. He hasnt moved out yet due to money reasons but I have taken away any responsilties from him like taking care of my kids, and i made a lot of effort to not pressure him for anything.
I have been so overwhelmed and drained, I feel insecure and used. I feel regected and not enough for this man. I have been understanding of how he feels but when his triggered and avoifant i become anxious i have demanded he reasures me of a long term commitment that I feel I don't have. He shuts done and feels pressure so says things like if you pressure me like this, then no I can't help you.
When I back off he comes around and reasures me but I generally have to wait some time for this.
I feel so regected and affended that he can't commit to be part of our family in a moment of distress. He has feelings of running away from us. Im so hurt i was once good for him but now make him wanna run away.
I have developed insomnia, I'm so anxious and insecure, I'M struggling to put my needs first. I feel like I need to leave him but I don't want to!
I can't focus on myself and what I need, i can't focus on anything else, it doeant feel like we are the team we promised to be! my kids are suffering from my distress and I'm not sure how to take care of them and myself any more.
I don't want to give up on my husband either, his very honest and very sick.
18-03-2020 06:38 PM
Re: Feeling regected
I feel so much for you @SHINY ..... 😔 ..... that's a really awful situation that I can relate to so much.
I joined the first wives club last year after being discarded for a new woman behind my back, after raising our five kids across 30 + years of blood, sweat and tears, totally supporting what he thought he wanted in life ...... turns out. having helped him achieve it, I'm not part of it ......
I can relate so much to how you feel and how unfair it is. I hope everything does come back together for the pair of you, but I would suggest that you begin working with a counsellor focusing on what you want from your life, and developing a "Plan B" ..... because you're worth it ❣️