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Looking after ourselves

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Casual Contributor

Feeling Hopeless

I don't want to go home from work. My partner is sick and in pain which makes him frustrated and angry. There is NO ABUSE of any kind ... I'm just tired and I have nothing to offer him to help.

8 REPLIES 8

Re: Feeling Hopeless

Hellooo @ritzysneeze 

Gusundeit and welcome aboard the forums. 

 

Ritzy, caring can be very tiring and we can feel so very helpless ☹️. 

 

I am wondering what help and support you have. It is ever so important that as carers we look after our own well-being (which has been well documented that we are notoriously good at not doing 😵)

 

We have a number of discussion threads regarding self care that might interest you such as Carers Hints and tips to Success  and 8 dimensions of wellness .  We also have a number of social pages covering a number of interests and I am happy to tag you if you let me know of any hobbies you have.

 

Is Mr Sneeze (can I call your partner this) able to work or do things around home?  

images - 2020-02-10T211848.396.jpeg

 

 

Re: Feeling Hopeless

Hi Darcy,

 

Things were okay when I got home. A good day.

 

Mr Sneeze is on a full pension, so doesn't work ... but he does pretty much everything around the house - from cleaning to handyman stuff. He has MS, PTSD and some issues still under investigation. 

 

Last year was incredibly difficult, with some bad reactions to medication which almost killed him, appendicitis and injuries from building part of our house. He also thought seriously about suicide.

 

He has battled and won the fight against drinking, drugs and smoking. He feels guilty about not working. He is 100% against participating in NDIS, as he feels his pension is enough government money for one person.

 

Some days are good. He can handle it. Other days, he wants to give up. He says if this is all his life will be - is it worth it?

 

I try to support him. To love him as hard as I can. I take him to every doc appointment. I wrap compression bandages when he asks. But it's not enough.

 

I feel useless and hopeless. I don't really talk about it outside our home, because I am scared and ashamed. We are private people. I don't want pity. I just needed to tell someone.

 

Thanks.

Re: Feeling Hopeless

@ritzysneeze 

No need to feel ashamed, we are all human and all go through hills and valleys; despite all of our situations being different, getting some emotional support for ourselves is often necessary.  The going can be extremely tough, we often lose ourselves along the way and stop participating in activities that bring us joy but replenish our souls.

 

The MS Association has info relating to carers along with links to the carer gateway where one can access some carer counseling - that all important someone to talk to.

 

https://www.msaustralia.org.au/about-ms/carers

 

Yikes Ritzy, our men can be stubborn ... then I realised it is because of his tenacity that Mr Darcy has been able to make it through.

 

Re: Feeling Hopeless

When things are hard it can feel like you're stuck on the hamster wheel but I can already see that you've both achieved a lot already. 

it's okay to take a break for yourself to recharge. Allow yourself the space. 

You said what you are doing isn't enough but you are doing all you can so it is more than enough. 

I realised at one point I couldn't be my husbands counsellor any more so we outsourced that to a professional. I still listen to some stuff but it takes the pressure off me. 

Good on you for reaching out and getting some support here. I've recently done it too and it feels good to k kw we aren't alone and other people understand. 

best wishes to you both 

Re: Feeling Hopeless

How are you going @ritzysneeze ?

Re: Feeling Hopeless

Hey Darcy,

Things have been pretty good. He is managing the pain. He's frustrated with the weather right now because he has a project outdoors that he can't do with wet weather around.

 

I am feeling tense and tired. I feel like I'm waiting for a bomb to drop. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells and can't relax. 

Re: Feeling Hopeless

@ritzysneeze 

Do you have things you can do that will help you relax?

Re: Feeling Hopeless

hi @ritzysneeze and welcome

Please feel free to have a look around and join in where you like. we have a thread called 'hot chocolate anyone' where many carers hang out and share a virtual beverage and chat.

also a forum tip is to put an @ before a members name that way itll tag them for you.

im glad that things have been pretty good of late, the weather here has been quite frustrating too esp with rain and then the heat/humidity making it a challenge to do much.

Have you got anything that helps you to relax and destress a little?

Carers Australia and also Sane helpline are quite helpful when it comes to support as well. We have a helpline here (call or webchat) that your welcome to use anytime and Carers Aust have a phone number you can call if you even need someone to talk to as well.

Would you consider speaking to your gp about getting a mental health care plan so that you can access some supports for yourself as well?

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