Deep depression, running out of options (Loved one)

[william-support]

I’m seeking help about a loved one who is deeply depressed - we are in a situation with no clear solution. He’s has been very depressed this year.

Had some self harm previously and ending in an up acute mental health ward. He’s been there a few times.

He has been sent home directly from the ICU and so far mental health wards haven't been very helpful.

The depression is so deep it’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before. No Psychologist, Psychiatrist or any therapy so far has helped, things have only gotten worse. But I know that there are still options for him.  

I’m thinking it’s time to say it’s treatment resistant depression in the hopes we can keep him with us - rTMS, Ketamine, ECT. 

Any advice on how to keep him alive until treatments stick? Private hospitals? Psychiatrists that probe a bit deeper?

[tacocat]

Hi @william-support 

Thanks for sharing, and welcome.

If you want to get things moving quickly, then going private is usually a good start. It's also worth contacting any services that might be able to help, even if it's not exactly to do with depression. Sometimes you ask the same question to enough people, one person will have the right answer for you. 

Also, stress levels are high for you, but you do need to look after yourself and be mindful of barriers. So, keep in contact with services regularly for yourself. You need to be ok, so you can help others. 

[william-support]

@tacocatthank you so much for you answer. calling around random numbers is what I've been doing tonight. been advised by one private hospital that it would be best to get him into a public bed tomorrow if he's willing. 

[Macqua]

Hi @william-support, I’m sorry to hear about you and your partner’s situation. In my experience private mental health can be hard to find but not impossible. I saw in a later reply you mentioned that someone had said getting them into public in the meantime which I think might be the best option as there’s only so much watching you can do. Continue to be as supportive as you can be while looking after yourself, and ensure certain things aren’t at reach. Continue calling around as it can broaden the potential for help and give more opinions/insight that might eventually end up helping.

Sending well wishes and make sure they know they aren’t alone in this world.

[Alex9]

Unfortunately, I don't think any advice I give could help you adequately enough, but I'm sending my love to you and your loved one ❤️ 

[MJG017]

It's hard to imagine how stressful this must be for you right now @william-support having not been in this situation myself.  You're contacting whoever you can for advice which is what I would so.  I think the suggestion to try and get him into a public bed is a good one.  The people around him, like yourself, can only stay with him for so long.   Hopefully you can get some help for him very soon.  It's likely a common story though, lack of beds and resources available, especially in the public system, so it can take longer than we'd like.  Have you called crisis lines, to get some advice there?

Lifeline have some information for people worried about someone that you may find helpful.

https://www.lifeline.org.au/get-help/i-m-worried-about-someone/

Other than trying to get some support around him, I think all you can do yourself is talk to him and ask him directly about what he's thinking of doing.  Let him talk and just try to find the things personal to him that give him reasons to keep going. 

I really hope you can get him the support he needs.  It sounds like he is very lucky to have you around him, especially right now.

[DownMoreThanUp]

When i was in that state the best thing i did was have E.C.T treatment. Lot of them (18 in total) and gave me a leash to new life. i have never been that deep down again. That and LOTS OF LOVE, teach your son to love himself away from that empty space within, for loveless depression robs us of love and builds us a pit.

It was Love and E.C.T that saved me at the time.

[william-support]

Thanks for sharing you experience and support @DownMoreThanUp. Is there anywhere on the forum you share your full story? I'm finding gathering stories useful because it helps maybe pick up on bits I might not have considered yet. Also provides hope of course. 

[DownMoreThanUp]

Good to see you searching for answers to support you loved one. It is very hard to support those who have lost touch with themselves and have been overrun by the negativity of their depression.

i have only recently joined this forum. i do introduce myself and give some details of my life story there, but i have not in detail shared what i have been through.

Have a look what you think

https://saneforums.org/t5/Our-stories/G-day-from-WA/m-p/1551894#M240048

However i'm more than willing to supporting you, support your son. So many loved ones turn their backs on their loved ones, often out of utter frustration, not able to get through to the person down deep.

With regards to E.C.T. i had 18 sessions over about 9 months i think. Each session would lighten my depressive mood by a few percent. Personally i think E.C.T was so effective with me,  because i lost most of my memory, for some time. Being a P.T.S.D survivor, trauma memories have been very much part of my suffering, as well as years of memories living depression down deepest. So loosing a lot of my memories, for a long time, really helped me letting go of my bad life.

For this is essential, for although E.C.T was very helpful, it was so mainly because i left my bad life, as i had suffered it, for so many years behind. While in the mean time i was getting a lot of self love and skills taught, by a professional counselor, to deal with myself lovingly a depressed person.

During this time, a lot of my childhood trauma, as well as years suffering deepest depression were deactivated. It took a long time for my memory to restore itself. i think, all in all, it took a few years for my memory to be restored completely. This was extremely helpful at the time, for before E.C.T, each time my depression would be deepest, years of hopeless memories, as well as those dreaded trauma memories, would flood my mind, and make me give up on, hate, and despair my life, time and again. It was this that HAD TO STOP for me to be able to beat my depressive illness.

Be blessed helping your son to rediscover love in his life.

A Way Out Of Depression,

How can you have meaning if you do not love?
everything else is but a clinging cymbal,
and a sounding gong!
not important in the scheme of things.

For only love lights the darkness,
keeping you from harm.
For hiding in the arms of Love,
and all Love has made,
is finding a sure way out,
of this hell hole you have been in,
loving yourself away from depression.